I was in Target with my kids today fetching various items. The place was crawling with college students picking up supplies for their tiny, bland dorm rooms, or tiny sh*thole apartments. (Remember how excited we were back in those days to buy our first dish rack or hamper? Oy, now I want to dump all that stuff on the curb and live in a hotel and have people clean up after me all day.)
We are standing there and a very prissy, snooty girl and an obviously flaming gay kid (not that there's anything wrong with that, but he made Kurt from Glee look butch) are discussing the need to cut back on Starbucks this semester. I mimicked the girl's faux Valley Girl accent, and my son made some other desparaging remark, then proclaimed, "I love being a cynical a-hole". I said, "You get it from your Mother" and gave him a high five.
But honestly, in the past 2 years I've come to love my cynical asshole side less. Don't get me wrong, I still love me some good derision, but I also seek joyfulness in my heart. Sound cheesy? Well, F-you, I want some God damn joyfulness!!!!
Here's what I mean by joyfulness, or just joy for short. It's that feeling when you encounter something that just sends your senses soaring. I guess you could call it a rush. Inspiration. I'm seeking that right now. I feel really uninspired. Well, it's really only in my work life. I mean, I love my boyfriend and I feel joy when I go to my kids' school and feel all of their success and friendships there. There are just good people at those schools, and I can feel my kids happiness. That is like freakin' crack to me. But work... meh.
With work... I've been searching. I have had various jobs over the past few years. And that's all they were, jobs. I have been trying to find that thing that I love to do. Writing does that, but any writing jobs I've had haven't neccessarily put me on Easy Street, if you know what I mean. I did have an interview at a an ad agency for a copywriting job several months ago that gave me a mental "schwing!". I'm serious. I walked into the place and felt the energy instantly, I was in Heaven. The interview was with a friend of mine, but unfortunately I found out about it a little too late, they were already in negotiations with some kid that already had agency experience. I was actually sad that I didn't get the job.
I started a job this week doing internet advertising analysis. Basically SEO and Adwords campaign stuff. It's interesting, I'm just getting started, we'll see. But what I am hopeful about is, after a two year hiatus, I'm headed back to school in a couple of weeks. I will be taking a feature writing course, and a graphic design course. Just thinking about the subject matter gets me all tingly. Maybe I'll have more direction and experience after I take those courses.
I ran into a guy this past week bartending at a place I don't frequent often, but stopped in to see my friend's artwork that was being exhibited. I hadn't seen the guy since about 1987. I knew him back in my punk days, first met round about 1983, he was known as Mohawk Mike, just an acquaintance. He was uber punk, had like a foot high mohawk, always wore combat boots, leather jacket, studded collar, flannel shirt tied around his waist. Anyway, I see him at this bar... looks exactly the same except with no hair at all. He's in his late 40s and hasn't changed. I talked to him a bit, he says he's been doing the same stuff for the past 25+ years. He is the alternative, nightlife scene. Never married, no kids.
His exact words to me were, "I never grew up". He's happy. I don't know, he hangs around what inspires him, music, creative punk fashion, art, nightlife... is that grown up or not grown up? Does it matter? It just made me think. I didn't think I was any better or worse than him, nor he any better or worse than me. A little part of me was jealous, to be able to come and go in that scene whenever you want... cool! But for me, I also knew I needed to be a Mom, to create something larger than myself.
So, inspiration comes in many forms. I have it in parts of my life, but I want that thing that makes me really happy to get up every morning. There is just something missing. I mean, I'm happy, generally, but well going to work shouldn't be something you dread. But I also want to feel good about being able to provide everything my children need with room to spare. It's a fine line to walk, do what you love or provide for all four of us. Why couldn't I figure out that I loved being a lawyer 25 years ago. Unfortunately, I was born creative and not intellectual. Well, you know what I mean. Hopefully, I'll find joyfulness soon.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Can't Hide Behind the Weave...
Can someone please explain to me the phenomenon of "weaves"?
Yea, I know this is highly intellectual subject matter, so brace yourself.
I just don't get it, why every young girl in the world seems to have one even when they seem to have a perfectly good head of long, luxurious hair. Perhaps, that is just the illusion of the weave? No, wait, I've seen the before and after pics. I just don't get it.
I just Googled "hair weave" and found such complex terms as "remy hair", "weft hair", "single drawn", "double draw"... what the hell does all this stuff mean?!!!! And why is this all necessary? Just wear your hair like the good Lord made ya'! Or wear a wig like Zsa Zsa...
Who the hell would go through all that trouble? I heard it takes like hours to sew in. And who would sign up for that job?! Standing there for hours, manually sewing hair into someone's head? Oh, sign me up for that one!
And on a side note... talking about doing intricate things with hair... can someone with ethnic hair experience please tell me, how in the hell you turn thick, curly, puffy hair (I mention it, because I have the same sort of red caucasian hair) into those little tiny braids? Again a process that takes hours. I'd develop arthritis in the process... oh wait I already have it.
Women have everything fake these days, hair, nails, boobs, tans. It's really disturbing to me. I am proud to say I don't have any of the above. Well, I do have them, but they are all natural. (I would look kind of strange with no hair, no nails, no boobs, and no pigmentation). But what I have is mine, and I like it. Yes, even love it.
Why do we all have to pretend to be something else? Why does everyday have to be Halloween? Do men really like all that stuff or is it just for other women? And what is up with those gigantic fake nails that look like paint scrapers? They look ridiculous. Who thinks this stuff looks good? I don't, but what do I know?
I just wish people would learn to love themselves, warts and all. Ok, maybe not warts, but just curly frizzy hair, short nails, small boobs, and pale skin. It's all beautiful. What's even more beautiful is self-respect, intelligence, character, life experience, and integrity. Those are the things that truly make you beautiful. Cultivate those things. Judge Judy has always had it right, "Beauty fades, dumb is forever".
My new motto to young girls in regard to learning to love yourself - "Lose the Weave".
Yea, I know this is highly intellectual subject matter, so brace yourself.
I just don't get it, why every young girl in the world seems to have one even when they seem to have a perfectly good head of long, luxurious hair. Perhaps, that is just the illusion of the weave? No, wait, I've seen the before and after pics. I just don't get it.
I just Googled "hair weave" and found such complex terms as "remy hair", "weft hair", "single drawn", "double draw"... what the hell does all this stuff mean?!!!! And why is this all necessary? Just wear your hair like the good Lord made ya'! Or wear a wig like Zsa Zsa...
Who the hell would go through all that trouble? I heard it takes like hours to sew in. And who would sign up for that job?! Standing there for hours, manually sewing hair into someone's head? Oh, sign me up for that one!
And on a side note... talking about doing intricate things with hair... can someone with ethnic hair experience please tell me, how in the hell you turn thick, curly, puffy hair (I mention it, because I have the same sort of red caucasian hair) into those little tiny braids? Again a process that takes hours. I'd develop arthritis in the process... oh wait I already have it.
Women have everything fake these days, hair, nails, boobs, tans. It's really disturbing to me. I am proud to say I don't have any of the above. Well, I do have them, but they are all natural. (I would look kind of strange with no hair, no nails, no boobs, and no pigmentation). But what I have is mine, and I like it. Yes, even love it.
Why do we all have to pretend to be something else? Why does everyday have to be Halloween? Do men really like all that stuff or is it just for other women? And what is up with those gigantic fake nails that look like paint scrapers? They look ridiculous. Who thinks this stuff looks good? I don't, but what do I know?
I just wish people would learn to love themselves, warts and all. Ok, maybe not warts, but just curly frizzy hair, short nails, small boobs, and pale skin. It's all beautiful. What's even more beautiful is self-respect, intelligence, character, life experience, and integrity. Those are the things that truly make you beautiful. Cultivate those things. Judge Judy has always had it right, "Beauty fades, dumb is forever".
My new motto to young girls in regard to learning to love yourself - "Lose the Weave".
Thursday, July 21, 2011
ATTN Crazy Craigslist people: Life ain't fair!
So I've been trolling around Craigslist a little bit lately. Just curious to see if there are actually any legitimate jobs on there. And no I'm not just looking at jobs there, that would be ridiculous, but I'm taking a peek everywhere. Craigslist just happened to be the most entertaining.
And in a few categories, namely ones involving computers (software, web development, graphic design), I see several posts by whiners like this one: (yes, these are authentic posts, cut and pasted from CL)
RE: Photoshop Designer
This person posted a few days ago...I answered with resume'...no answer either way.
This person is either very unprofessional or it is a scam...anyway I'd forget he/she
and not answer any of he/she posts.
Or this one…
RE: Photoshop, Easy Job
Do you have any idea how to use photoshop? Any person who has benn educated in the program paid a lot for that education. $20 is a joke to anyone who will do the job right.
64 images- doesn't matter what is being done to them, is time consuming and will take well over 1 hour. Which is generally what you would be looking at for $20... One hour of work.
So you may want to re-think the industry standard for such a job before offering jack shit in compensation for such an "easy job". You're right though. Not a HARD job, but a time consuming one. If you can't afford to pay for talent, buy the program and do it yourself! Maybe then you'll understand that your "Easy Job" is not a "Cheap Job".
*********
(Why do I suddenly have visions of all those skits on SNL about the IT guys that come into offices that are arrogant, sarcastic, condescending, and passive-aggressive?)
Oh my God, people, get a grip! I’ve been in the adult, post-education, job market for almost 25 years. I have one little valuable nugget of wisdom I have learned over the years…
Life ain’t fair!!!!!!
Yes, I know it’s hard to believe, that not everyone will give you everything you want on a silver platter and be sickeningly sweet about it. In fact, most of the time, you’ll need to fight for the scraps you do get and still thank someone profusely. …I should deliver a commencement address, eh?
Just, my point is… I can’t believe in this evident age of entitlement these weenies are writing these anonymous rants on Craigslist, railing against the employers like they are some sort of classified ad ethics police. Guess what? CL is filled with fake ads, people who don’t know their a** from a hole in the ground and are just trying to get some cheap help, or people that do have legit ads but it just isn’t their obligation to write everyone who answers the ad with a handwritten perfume-scented monogrammed thank you note.
I must have sent out thousands of resumes and cover letters in the past 25 years, and do you know how many “Thanks, but no thanks” replies I received? Maybe five. An employer doesn’t owe you anything. Its common knowledge that if they want an interview, that’s the only time you’ll hear from them, they’ll call you and that’s about it.
As for what an employer is offering to pay? They’ll offer whatever they can get away with. Simple as that. So, haggle. Submit your resume and give them your idea of what you want for compensation. But no, it’s far more effective to offer a passive-aggressive anonymous rant on Craigslist. No wonder you’re looking for a job.
I unfortunately, replied to one of these rants. HUGE MISTAKE. I was feeling pissy one day and wanted to give someone a piece of my mind. I told him politely that employers aren’t obligated to respond. He launched into an evil nerd attack, saying I was nasty and meddling, and threatening to tell my employer... with every other word spelled wrong. Wow, there are a lot of people feeling entitled with anger issues out there. Someone needs a hug… or an FBI check, because I see a future “shoot up the workplace” contestant there.
Besides, just suck it up and send out the resumes and hope for the best, another lesson learned in all my years of job searching… don’t deal with the crazy ranting people on Craigslist.
And in a few categories, namely ones involving computers (software, web development, graphic design), I see several posts by whiners like this one: (yes, these are authentic posts, cut and pasted from CL)
RE: Photoshop Designer
This person posted a few days ago...I answered with resume'...no answer either way.
This person is either very unprofessional or it is a scam...anyway I'd forget he/she
and not answer any of he/she posts.
Or this one…
RE: Photoshop, Easy Job
Do you have any idea how to use photoshop? Any person who has benn educated in the program paid a lot for that education. $20 is a joke to anyone who will do the job right.
64 images- doesn't matter what is being done to them, is time consuming and will take well over 1 hour. Which is generally what you would be looking at for $20... One hour of work.
So you may want to re-think the industry standard for such a job before offering jack shit in compensation for such an "easy job". You're right though. Not a HARD job, but a time consuming one. If you can't afford to pay for talent, buy the program and do it yourself! Maybe then you'll understand that your "Easy Job" is not a "Cheap Job".
*********
(Why do I suddenly have visions of all those skits on SNL about the IT guys that come into offices that are arrogant, sarcastic, condescending, and passive-aggressive?)
Oh my God, people, get a grip! I’ve been in the adult, post-education, job market for almost 25 years. I have one little valuable nugget of wisdom I have learned over the years…
Life ain’t fair!!!!!!
Yes, I know it’s hard to believe, that not everyone will give you everything you want on a silver platter and be sickeningly sweet about it. In fact, most of the time, you’ll need to fight for the scraps you do get and still thank someone profusely. …I should deliver a commencement address, eh?
Just, my point is… I can’t believe in this evident age of entitlement these weenies are writing these anonymous rants on Craigslist, railing against the employers like they are some sort of classified ad ethics police. Guess what? CL is filled with fake ads, people who don’t know their a** from a hole in the ground and are just trying to get some cheap help, or people that do have legit ads but it just isn’t their obligation to write everyone who answers the ad with a handwritten perfume-scented monogrammed thank you note.
I must have sent out thousands of resumes and cover letters in the past 25 years, and do you know how many “Thanks, but no thanks” replies I received? Maybe five. An employer doesn’t owe you anything. Its common knowledge that if they want an interview, that’s the only time you’ll hear from them, they’ll call you and that’s about it.
As for what an employer is offering to pay? They’ll offer whatever they can get away with. Simple as that. So, haggle. Submit your resume and give them your idea of what you want for compensation. But no, it’s far more effective to offer a passive-aggressive anonymous rant on Craigslist. No wonder you’re looking for a job.
I unfortunately, replied to one of these rants. HUGE MISTAKE. I was feeling pissy one day and wanted to give someone a piece of my mind. I told him politely that employers aren’t obligated to respond. He launched into an evil nerd attack, saying I was nasty and meddling, and threatening to tell my employer... with every other word spelled wrong. Wow, there are a lot of people feeling entitled with anger issues out there. Someone needs a hug… or an FBI check, because I see a future “shoot up the workplace” contestant there.
Besides, just suck it up and send out the resumes and hope for the best, another lesson learned in all my years of job searching… don’t deal with the crazy ranting people on Craigslist.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Give Me Employment or Give Me Baby Phat!
I'm not gonna' lie... I'm tired. Being a functioning human being is damn tiresome!
Oh, I could just coast and be a drain on the taxpayer, but I don't suppose that's what I want for myself or my children. But damnit, it would be a hell of a lot easier and more relaxing! I could not work and sleep 'til noon everyday!
I got thrown a curveball again. I need to rethink my business strategy. Need to fine tune the career path yet again. Ok, these things happen. *insert whiny 5 year old voice* But I'm tirrrrrred... *stomps feet*
Tangent... All of a sudden that James Brown song "It's a Man's World" popped into my head. It still kind of is, you know? How is it a man can drop out of sight and not care for his children and it's just considered par for the course? How is it a man can just snag a job and no one is concerned with whether he'll get pregnant or have kid drama? How is it a man can readily find employment in the upper ranks, while women still have to "prove" themselves? Ever watch that show "16 and Pregnant"? Ninety percent of the Baby-Daddy's bail. And that's ok?
Now I'm not man-bashing, but it's so hard to be a working single mom. I didn't sign up for this. Yea, yea it's my decision to make my family successful, I could just become a cretin. But would it be so bad to be a cretin? I could just collect public assistance and not even try to work. It would be so easy. I could tell my children that they couldn't go anywhere or do anything because they would be using Mama's valuable drinkin' money! It would be all Judge shows, all the time! Don't interrupt my shows!
Oh then, then, then, then I could get a man who could keep me in all the Baby Phat or NASCAR clothes and shoes, I wanted! I watched a segment on Dr. Phil last week how a woman specifically targets men to get certain bills paid. Oh, sign me up for that job! It's just another sales job, and I'm a hell of a closer! I could close that deal with plenty of time in the day to go get my acrylic nails with the extra wide tips done! ...Why would you want your manicure to look like you had a paint scraper on each finger, anyway? I digress...
Crap, why was I born with integrity? I could have run away. I could have run home. I could have just found some sucker who wanted to foot the bill for me and my kids. But I choose to try to make a career for myself and support us. And I make sure my kids are on a path to get in excellent colleges and have great careers and lives ahead of them. And I have a guy that makes me clean his house in exchange for being on his country club membership because I can't afford to chip in. (ok, so I suggested that) Maybe I'm the sucker? I'm missing out on all that Baby Phat... damn.
Oh, I could just coast and be a drain on the taxpayer, but I don't suppose that's what I want for myself or my children. But damnit, it would be a hell of a lot easier and more relaxing! I could not work and sleep 'til noon everyday!
I got thrown a curveball again. I need to rethink my business strategy. Need to fine tune the career path yet again. Ok, these things happen. *insert whiny 5 year old voice* But I'm tirrrrrred... *stomps feet*
Tangent... All of a sudden that James Brown song "It's a Man's World" popped into my head. It still kind of is, you know? How is it a man can drop out of sight and not care for his children and it's just considered par for the course? How is it a man can just snag a job and no one is concerned with whether he'll get pregnant or have kid drama? How is it a man can readily find employment in the upper ranks, while women still have to "prove" themselves? Ever watch that show "16 and Pregnant"? Ninety percent of the Baby-Daddy's bail. And that's ok?
Now I'm not man-bashing, but it's so hard to be a working single mom. I didn't sign up for this. Yea, yea it's my decision to make my family successful, I could just become a cretin. But would it be so bad to be a cretin? I could just collect public assistance and not even try to work. It would be so easy. I could tell my children that they couldn't go anywhere or do anything because they would be using Mama's valuable drinkin' money! It would be all Judge shows, all the time! Don't interrupt my shows!
Oh then, then, then, then I could get a man who could keep me in all the Baby Phat or NASCAR clothes and shoes, I wanted! I watched a segment on Dr. Phil last week how a woman specifically targets men to get certain bills paid. Oh, sign me up for that job! It's just another sales job, and I'm a hell of a closer! I could close that deal with plenty of time in the day to go get my acrylic nails with the extra wide tips done! ...Why would you want your manicure to look like you had a paint scraper on each finger, anyway? I digress...
Crap, why was I born with integrity? I could have run away. I could have run home. I could have just found some sucker who wanted to foot the bill for me and my kids. But I choose to try to make a career for myself and support us. And I make sure my kids are on a path to get in excellent colleges and have great careers and lives ahead of them. And I have a guy that makes me clean his house in exchange for being on his country club membership because I can't afford to chip in. (ok, so I suggested that) Maybe I'm the sucker? I'm missing out on all that Baby Phat... damn.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Why Don't We Just Bring Back the Lions and the Christians?
All right, I need to interrupt my uber interesting "Adventures in Dating" series to rant about something...
What the hell is wrong with you people today?
This ain't ancient Rome, I thought we were supposed to be civilized? Is blood lust that deep in our genes?
I mean you, you YouTube type people. Everywhere I go, people are recording stuff on their phonea when they should be jumping in and helping! What in God's name is wrong with you? Is ya' ignant? Has all the world become a spectator sport? Has the world become a giant electronic device, it's not real anymore, it's a video game or reality series? Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I'm appalled!
What buzzed up my skirt, you may ask? I was driving down my street the other day and I saw these kids in front of a house. I drive up slowly to make sure I think what I think is going on is actually going on. And yes indeed, it's two approximately 10 year old girls beating the hell out of each other, while one slightly older boy stood and watched as if he were watching the coin toss for a football game, and a slightly older girl recording the fight with her phone. I pulled over the car and started screaming out the window, "Hey, stop it, stop it, stop it!", followed by some random things like "What is wrong with you? You don't do that! You're not animals! Where is an adult?". After the fact I felt like Glady Kravitz on Bewitched, but I didn't care, it was the right thing to do.
The girls stopped and looked at me amazed as if I was wrong. Then after a second, ran in the house. I didn't want to get involved much further, because I'd probably have some Hood Mom kick my ass for not minding my own business. I'm serious, the families on that part of the street are very, well let's call them street. It's not stereotypical, it's just a fact. I hear them, I see them, always out, yelling at each other about bustin' caps and beatin' asses. So, I know enough to not tempt fate.
I was bothered for hours after. I was appalled by the barbaric behavior of the girls, but horrified by the bystanders. Has the next generation become that numb? I lectured my kids forever after that. I told them if they ever just stood by when something like that was going on, I'd beat them. No, just kidding. I said they needed to stand up against violence, but also be very careful to know when to just call or run for help instead as to avoid death. You never know when someone is gonna' pull a .9 out... or a knife. Like the kid that just got killed at a fraternity party here at the U. of Rochester, usual drunken college brawl, but a kid pulls a knife. Boom. Dead.
Another example, locally a mentally disturbed teenage boy starts stabbing his girlfriend in a Wegmans grocery store. A couple people stood by and watched, but two courageous teenage boys jump in and tried to pull the kid off her. They saved her life. They wound up with some cuts. My son said he didn't care, he'd rather die doing the right thing like that. Wow. Would you? Check yourself, are you the type to, A.) videotape, B.) run away, C.) watch, D.) jump in to stop it or call for help?
This nonsense has got to stop. Violence and bullying behavior is not a spectator sport. I know I'm becomming a self-righteous, crotchety, old hen, but you all should be ashamed of yourselves. "WWGWD", "What Would Grandma Walton Do?". (Hey, I model my life after 70s TV shows, is that so wrong?) Or at least do what Spike Lee said, "Do the Right Thing", which doesn't include throwing garbage cans through Sal's Pizzeria, but you know what I mean.
Don't make me come over there... stop this nonsense right now.
What the hell is wrong with you people today?
This ain't ancient Rome, I thought we were supposed to be civilized? Is blood lust that deep in our genes?
I mean you, you YouTube type people. Everywhere I go, people are recording stuff on their phonea when they should be jumping in and helping! What in God's name is wrong with you? Is ya' ignant? Has all the world become a spectator sport? Has the world become a giant electronic device, it's not real anymore, it's a video game or reality series? Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I'm appalled!
What buzzed up my skirt, you may ask? I was driving down my street the other day and I saw these kids in front of a house. I drive up slowly to make sure I think what I think is going on is actually going on. And yes indeed, it's two approximately 10 year old girls beating the hell out of each other, while one slightly older boy stood and watched as if he were watching the coin toss for a football game, and a slightly older girl recording the fight with her phone. I pulled over the car and started screaming out the window, "Hey, stop it, stop it, stop it!", followed by some random things like "What is wrong with you? You don't do that! You're not animals! Where is an adult?". After the fact I felt like Glady Kravitz on Bewitched, but I didn't care, it was the right thing to do.
The girls stopped and looked at me amazed as if I was wrong. Then after a second, ran in the house. I didn't want to get involved much further, because I'd probably have some Hood Mom kick my ass for not minding my own business. I'm serious, the families on that part of the street are very, well let's call them street. It's not stereotypical, it's just a fact. I hear them, I see them, always out, yelling at each other about bustin' caps and beatin' asses. So, I know enough to not tempt fate.
I was bothered for hours after. I was appalled by the barbaric behavior of the girls, but horrified by the bystanders. Has the next generation become that numb? I lectured my kids forever after that. I told them if they ever just stood by when something like that was going on, I'd beat them. No, just kidding. I said they needed to stand up against violence, but also be very careful to know when to just call or run for help instead as to avoid death. You never know when someone is gonna' pull a .9 out... or a knife. Like the kid that just got killed at a fraternity party here at the U. of Rochester, usual drunken college brawl, but a kid pulls a knife. Boom. Dead.
Another example, locally a mentally disturbed teenage boy starts stabbing his girlfriend in a Wegmans grocery store. A couple people stood by and watched, but two courageous teenage boys jump in and tried to pull the kid off her. They saved her life. They wound up with some cuts. My son said he didn't care, he'd rather die doing the right thing like that. Wow. Would you? Check yourself, are you the type to, A.) videotape, B.) run away, C.) watch, D.) jump in to stop it or call for help?
This nonsense has got to stop. Violence and bullying behavior is not a spectator sport. I know I'm becomming a self-righteous, crotchety, old hen, but you all should be ashamed of yourselves. "WWGWD", "What Would Grandma Walton Do?". (Hey, I model my life after 70s TV shows, is that so wrong?) Or at least do what Spike Lee said, "Do the Right Thing", which doesn't include throwing garbage cans through Sal's Pizzeria, but you know what I mean.
Don't make me come over there... stop this nonsense right now.
Monday, June 27, 2011
How to Lose a Guy in... Ten Minutes.
As I try to figure out a new direction to take my writing in, it occurred to me, why not write about all of the stuff I couldn't write about before? Of course I'll need to tailor it to the new PG audience. The stuff I'm talking about is all of my dating adventures over the past 10 years while I was divorced and dating, ya' know pre-relationship. I couldn't really tell all, since some of the people involved were reading me, and that would have been awkward. However, the twist is, it won't all be making fun of all the psych ward escapees I encountered, it will be a lot of revelations of things that I did wrong.
Oh yes, Madge was wrong. Hey, I admit it. A lot of you that read my blogs on Myspace back in the day, will probably say "We coulda' told ya' you were wrong!". Yea, yea ok, sometimes it takes some of us a while. Sometimes people never learn. I'd rather be wrong and have figured it out than still be convinced I'm right and still be alone and miserable. Once I became generally unmiserable, my whole life, not just dating changed. I got back on a career track, and the kids and I started to thrive.
Wait, let me clarify, I wasn't miserable because I was alone, I was just miserable, period. Now, I could be alone and be happy. Make sense? Moving right along...
I used to think I knew it all. I was convinced that brow beating a man into honesty and forcing his hand was somehow a sure-fire way to attract them to my womanly wiles and fall madly in love with me.
Bah hahahahahaha!!!!
I was so obsessed with honesty after my lie-filled marriage, I became "Date-zilla". It was all about laying all the cards out at once, and if a man followed-up on our date I would go into interrogation mode about his intentions. And if they weren't what I wanted, I pouted, and was passive-aggressive, and did the guilt thing. Oh, I was convinced that I didn't do that... but I did. At some point I think we should all be videotaped in our lives, because sometimes what we perceive we do, and what others see are two vastly different things.
Oy, I hate to admit it, but it's true. Of course, it wasn't with everyone, a good number of guys I was trying to ditch because I just wasn't attracted. I would say 90% of the men I met just weren't interesting to me. I was very picky. But there were ones that could have had a chance, had I not blown it. However, I do think things happen for a reason.
Once I started to learn to be confident, act like I didn't care, and set up boundaries and walk away when the boundaries didn't suite me... things started to go my way. That was the tough one, walking away after the boundaries were set. Sometimes you want something so bad, you make a bad decision and say, ok screw it I'll go meet him just this once. As they used to say on Family Feud, "X". Wrong answer. The fact is the guy I'm dating now, my boyfriend (oh that word still seems so silly at my age), didn't start really respecting me until I said no to the nonsensical situation he wanted to have with me. I thought I was being cool saying I was ok with a casual dating thing, but yet being passive-aggressive to him about wanting a relationship and then really being hurt when he went out with someone else.
Truth be told, I wanted a relationship with him and it was ok to admit it and walk away if he didn't. I was raised by a pack of angry feminists to believe relationships weren't important (yet the twist was, once you were in it, it was for life). Yet I finally was shown that it's ok to want love, especially after 10+ years without it. It's not ok to be addicted to it and be a Liz Taylor. But I had to accept it was ok to want love, and stop fighting it internally. That was a lot of what made me angry inside. However once I accepted it, I needed to keep my standards and boundaries and hold out for the right relationship. I had to learn patience. That was like teaching Sid Vicious to "just say no" to heroin.
All right, this is getting long-winded, this could be a book, so I'll cut it short for now. I'll turn it into a mini-series. This will be "Roots" for our generation. Wait, "Roots" was already in our generation. So it will be the "Roots" of the dating lessons genre. Nevermind, I'm going to turn into Star Jones here with all the self-promotion. Anyway, stay tuned, more dating revelations to come...
Oh yes, Madge was wrong. Hey, I admit it. A lot of you that read my blogs on Myspace back in the day, will probably say "We coulda' told ya' you were wrong!". Yea, yea ok, sometimes it takes some of us a while. Sometimes people never learn. I'd rather be wrong and have figured it out than still be convinced I'm right and still be alone and miserable. Once I became generally unmiserable, my whole life, not just dating changed. I got back on a career track, and the kids and I started to thrive.
Wait, let me clarify, I wasn't miserable because I was alone, I was just miserable, period. Now, I could be alone and be happy. Make sense? Moving right along...
I used to think I knew it all. I was convinced that brow beating a man into honesty and forcing his hand was somehow a sure-fire way to attract them to my womanly wiles and fall madly in love with me.
Bah hahahahahaha!!!!
I was so obsessed with honesty after my lie-filled marriage, I became "Date-zilla". It was all about laying all the cards out at once, and if a man followed-up on our date I would go into interrogation mode about his intentions. And if they weren't what I wanted, I pouted, and was passive-aggressive, and did the guilt thing. Oh, I was convinced that I didn't do that... but I did. At some point I think we should all be videotaped in our lives, because sometimes what we perceive we do, and what others see are two vastly different things.
Oy, I hate to admit it, but it's true. Of course, it wasn't with everyone, a good number of guys I was trying to ditch because I just wasn't attracted. I would say 90% of the men I met just weren't interesting to me. I was very picky. But there were ones that could have had a chance, had I not blown it. However, I do think things happen for a reason.
Once I started to learn to be confident, act like I didn't care, and set up boundaries and walk away when the boundaries didn't suite me... things started to go my way. That was the tough one, walking away after the boundaries were set. Sometimes you want something so bad, you make a bad decision and say, ok screw it I'll go meet him just this once. As they used to say on Family Feud, "X". Wrong answer. The fact is the guy I'm dating now, my boyfriend (oh that word still seems so silly at my age), didn't start really respecting me until I said no to the nonsensical situation he wanted to have with me. I thought I was being cool saying I was ok with a casual dating thing, but yet being passive-aggressive to him about wanting a relationship and then really being hurt when he went out with someone else.
Truth be told, I wanted a relationship with him and it was ok to admit it and walk away if he didn't. I was raised by a pack of angry feminists to believe relationships weren't important (yet the twist was, once you were in it, it was for life). Yet I finally was shown that it's ok to want love, especially after 10+ years without it. It's not ok to be addicted to it and be a Liz Taylor. But I had to accept it was ok to want love, and stop fighting it internally. That was a lot of what made me angry inside. However once I accepted it, I needed to keep my standards and boundaries and hold out for the right relationship. I had to learn patience. That was like teaching Sid Vicious to "just say no" to heroin.
All right, this is getting long-winded, this could be a book, so I'll cut it short for now. I'll turn it into a mini-series. This will be "Roots" for our generation. Wait, "Roots" was already in our generation. So it will be the "Roots" of the dating lessons genre. Nevermind, I'm going to turn into Star Jones here with all the self-promotion. Anyway, stay tuned, more dating revelations to come...
Monday, June 20, 2011
Do They Still Make Geritol?
I really hate it when people make aging jokes. I just think it's stupid. I groan standing up and somebody says "Easy Grandma!"... I want to say "How about I give you a Grandma
Foot right in the ass?". Oh wait, keep this clean, right... Well, that's what I feel like, ok, so sue me!
But there is a time when reality hits. Or as my eye doctor calls it "natural progress". I don't feel all old and stuff but I'm just having a hard time accepting that it is "about that time" for certain things. I hit 46 and it's like the day after the warranty expires, everything goes. Like getting fat. My metabolism has just come to a screeching halt. I've gained 20 lbs in the last year, gradually. I don't eat any more than I did; I've just stopped processing stuff apparently. I did have some tests done and my doctor found I was taking to much thyroid medicine so that may have an effect. She reduced my dosage, so that will take care of it. But either way, fat or thyroid, I've got old people problems!
I just got bifocals a few weeks ago. Shut it!
I color my hair to cover the grey. Meh, ok, who doesn't color their hair these days?
I had to go to the colorectal surgeon today because I've been having issues. See?! See?! Ya' see what I mean? Guess who all the people in the waiting room were? That's right, old people! I was the only person under 70 in there! And talk about humiliating, oy! Have you ever been to one of these doctors? They make you bend over a table! Everything is ok (minor issue) so far, subject to further probing next month, but damnit... I'm not ready for this stuff yet!
By the way, who in God's name would choose that specialty? It's bad enough you have to go spelunking in the waste factory all day, it's usually on decrepit old people or morbidly obese people. I wonder if when the doctor's working on huge people that nurses have to stand on either side and hold the tent flaps up? Too much? Yea, sorry...
Anyway, it's just... in my brain I'm still, um I don't know, about 28. Ok, a lot of times I feel like that carefree 14 year old I was or even that 6 year old with separation anxiety. Sometimes I need to look in the mirror for a reality check. Yea, I know it's "you're only as old as your feel" and all that hype, but no Virgnia, there isn't a Santa Claus and my knees do have an expiration date!
Yes, yes I will keep up that youthful spirit, as I try to keep the invasive scopes to a minimum, but I am human. I will get a little teary eyed as I realize I am not invincible. Hell, my Mother is still trying to remind herself of that at almost 85 as she takes care of a whole house and my barely mobile 89 year old Father. I hope I can still lug my husband in and out of the shower at 85. Ok, well I hope he can still lug himself in and out, but if I have to, I hope I can (provided I have a husband then, I don't want to lug strange naked men around). I guess age really is a state of mind. Damnit...
Foot right in the ass?". Oh wait, keep this clean, right... Well, that's what I feel like, ok, so sue me!
But there is a time when reality hits. Or as my eye doctor calls it "natural progress". I don't feel all old and stuff but I'm just having a hard time accepting that it is "about that time" for certain things. I hit 46 and it's like the day after the warranty expires, everything goes. Like getting fat. My metabolism has just come to a screeching halt. I've gained 20 lbs in the last year, gradually. I don't eat any more than I did; I've just stopped processing stuff apparently. I did have some tests done and my doctor found I was taking to much thyroid medicine so that may have an effect. She reduced my dosage, so that will take care of it. But either way, fat or thyroid, I've got old people problems!
I just got bifocals a few weeks ago. Shut it!
I color my hair to cover the grey. Meh, ok, who doesn't color their hair these days?
I had to go to the colorectal surgeon today because I've been having issues. See?! See?! Ya' see what I mean? Guess who all the people in the waiting room were? That's right, old people! I was the only person under 70 in there! And talk about humiliating, oy! Have you ever been to one of these doctors? They make you bend over a table! Everything is ok (minor issue) so far, subject to further probing next month, but damnit... I'm not ready for this stuff yet!
By the way, who in God's name would choose that specialty? It's bad enough you have to go spelunking in the waste factory all day, it's usually on decrepit old people or morbidly obese people. I wonder if when the doctor's working on huge people that nurses have to stand on either side and hold the tent flaps up? Too much? Yea, sorry...
Anyway, it's just... in my brain I'm still, um I don't know, about 28. Ok, a lot of times I feel like that carefree 14 year old I was or even that 6 year old with separation anxiety. Sometimes I need to look in the mirror for a reality check. Yea, I know it's "you're only as old as your feel" and all that hype, but no Virgnia, there isn't a Santa Claus and my knees do have an expiration date!
Yes, yes I will keep up that youthful spirit, as I try to keep the invasive scopes to a minimum, but I am human. I will get a little teary eyed as I realize I am not invincible. Hell, my Mother is still trying to remind herself of that at almost 85 as she takes care of a whole house and my barely mobile 89 year old Father. I hope I can still lug my husband in and out of the shower at 85. Ok, well I hope he can still lug himself in and out, but if I have to, I hope I can (provided I have a husband then, I don't want to lug strange naked men around). I guess age really is a state of mind. Damnit...
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