I've been in a relationship for the past three years, well only about a year and a half of it has been serious. That would be this last half of the relationship. Before that, I hadn't been in a serious, monogamous relationship since my marriage 9 years before that. (well my husband didn't practice the monogamy part, but that's another story) Every time I make that statement people often ask me what the hell was wrong with me. I'd like to think common sense was "wrong" with me. Well, maybe it was just guilt.
Oh I dated a ton during those 9 years. There were times I had two dates in one night. I had several instances of dating the same person casually several times over a few months but we never formed what I would call a serious relationship. I'm not like some peole who call a guy my boyfriend after two dates. I take relationships very seriously, I don't label anything that until there is monogamy, expressing of feelings and coupledom (you know, planning things together).
There were men I wanted something more with but they didn't want it with me. There were men that wanted something more with me and I didn't want it with them. I was a Match.com fiend at some points, having conversations going with several men at once. It was fun, I wasn't misleading, we were all just trying to get enough information about the other to see if we wanted to meet in person. I could write a book about my Match experiences, oy. I'll share a few at a later date.
Ok, to get to the point... why did I take this route in dating? Simple answer: because of my kids. No, I'm not some sort of saint, but it was just a natural first thought for me, "why do I want to subject the kids to my dating life?". When my ex left the house my children were 6, 3, and 18 months. I kind of thank God they were so young, because they didnt' really notice much of a difference, their Dad travelled all the time with work, he was never home before the divorce. But still, I wanted them to feel as comfortable, happy, loved, and secure as possible. Also, within the year their Dad started hanging with and eventually moved in with the girl he cheated with who the kids knew as an occassional babysitter for them previously. (oh yea, it's quite a story) So, anyway, my thought was, that was enough confusion for them.
I only went out or went on dates when the kids were with their Dad on every wednesday night and every other weekend. That part was really hard, I wanted to go out more, especially when I got asked out and had to say no, not tonight. No man ever came over when the kids were there, let alone sleeping over when the kids were there. Oh hell no! No man ever met my kids, unless it was by accident at the store or an event. The reason I'm telling you this is to show you it can be done, you can put your children first. Sure we all are tempted to run away and be self-indulgent, especially after being hurt by divorce, but in the long run it's better for our most precious possessions, our children (and screw the PC, yes we do own them) to use some restraint in dating. You will only be raising kids with resentment, abandonment, and commitment issues, and then you'll be bitching later about, "I don't know what's wrong with my kid!". Yes, you.
Also, if you keep moving mates in and out of your house, your children will also learn that relationships are not built on foundations of trust and love and friendship, but are slapped together out of convenience for temporary comfort, sex, and to share living expenses. And in return they will have revolving door relationship all of their lives, I'm sure with multiple kids by multiple partners. Might as well have a deli counter take-a-number dispenser at your front door.
I've heard so many stories about women who their kids didn't like their boyfriend, or men whose kids didn't like their girlfriend, and it was a bone of contention. Or I heard of people getting married and the kids hate the step-parent. Hey, guess what, maybe somebody should listen to those kids! It's not all about what the parent wants, you selfish bastards! Kids are pretty perceptive, they can spot a jerk before you do. And even if the person is very nice and you think the kid is acting out, you definitely need to address that. The kid is acting out for a reason, they have been through enough, they don't want to share you or have to deal with a new person in the house. Trust me when I say, you have to work through those issues first before you can plop somebody else into the middle of your family.
I won't lie, there were nights I cried myself to sleep because I was lonely and tired of going to every event at the kids school alone. But today, as I look at my secure, well-adjusted kids, I thank God for keeping me on the path he did. (and I'm not overly religious) It wasn't always easy, but I feel good that I put them first. I knew men would always be there but my kids would only be young and impressionable once. And I'm happy that at least for now I don't think my daughters will be on the pole headlining at the Klassy Kat and my son won't be a multi baby-daddy. Knock wood, fingers crossed.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Six (or so) Easy Steps to Taming Your Feral Child
In doing some research for my blog and it's new direction, I came across a whole bunch of blogs written by Moms. However, most blogs are written by happy stay-at-hom moms with small children and talk about crafts and their latest trip to Disney and poopy diapers. That ain't me. I'm past that phase. I'm worrying about my kids applying to colleges and staying away from kids who steal their parent's liquor at the moment.
Oh, I know how that world is, I was there once, sans the Disney trips. You think you're the first one to ever have cute little kids and enjoy being a happy family, and you think we are all eager to hear about your kids... endlessly. Oh, no offense to those moms, I've just been there, you want to share your joy. But I just wanted to say that sometimes in reading about all the cutsie wootsie stories you tell of all the adorable things that little McKenzie did... I think, I would have booted the kid across the room.
And then the mommies even make jokes about being at their wits end with said adorable child. Oh honey, I feel like that everyday, but it's not from having annoying kids it's from having busy kids. Oh my children aren't perfect, I just figured out how to nip bad behavior in the bud. I'll still get cranky kid attitude steered my way once in a while, but I don't get disrespect. Want to know how?
Well, buy my book!
No, just kidding. That's how the pitch usually goes... brings you right to the brink, and then chops you off at the knees, just like a girl in a short skirt.
Well, I'll tell you how, because I'm nice like that. (donations accepted, though) Parents... stay in control. Ain't no child ever paid attention to or respected a screaming, cussing parent. Did you when you were a kid? When my Mother went off, I just thought she was crazy, and as I got older... embarrassing. But when she just stopped and looked me in the eye, oh I had the fear of God in me. Oh and the worst was when she was just quiet and told me I had dissappointed her. OH! Stab stab stab in the heart!
Easy Steps for when your child talks back or has a tantrum:
1. Physically get down to eye to eye level with them.
2. Talk to them calmly, yet firmly, maintain direct eye contact. (you can't sound like Mr. Rogers, you must be firm) If they look away, say "you need to look at me".
3. State with authority that that behavior is not acceptable and we do not do that in this house.
4. Ask them if they heard you and to repeat it.
5. Tell them when they can act in a civil manner, you will discuss it or continue whatever.
6. Stand up and continue what you were doing. (unless there's blood to clean up or something)
If a problem is more involved you may need to discuss it with them. For instance, "Would you like it if I threw a Matchbox Car at you?" Or "Why would you deliberately take the paints out after I told you no?". Sometimes "No, because I said so" isn't the best answer. Kids need to learn logic and reason. Explain to them "We don't have enough time to paint, becuase we are having guests for dinner and I need the table".
Adults, do you feel better after someone explains why they said no, rather than just saying no? I rest my case. "Can I have a raise?" "No." My first thought is "I suck". But after they tell me they lost money in the 4th Q and just can't, then I accept it.
I won't lie, it takes a great deal of patience on the parent's part. Oh and , some kids may still flip out, it's not a cure all. But if you remain calm and CONSISTENT, I can almost guarantee you'll see the behavior improve over time. It needs to start as soon as they start talking though. Just laughing off that behavior because they are "little" only creates monsters. (Have we not all learned anything from Toddlers and Tiaras?) It's never too early to start expecting respectable behavior from a child. Most important thing is, don't stoop to their level! Yea, I know we all have our limits, but even if you do have a flip out, apologize to the child and use it as a lesson that we all get stressed out, you know how the child feels. Keep the faith and have a cocktail after they go to bed.
Oh, I know how that world is, I was there once, sans the Disney trips. You think you're the first one to ever have cute little kids and enjoy being a happy family, and you think we are all eager to hear about your kids... endlessly. Oh, no offense to those moms, I've just been there, you want to share your joy. But I just wanted to say that sometimes in reading about all the cutsie wootsie stories you tell of all the adorable things that little McKenzie did... I think, I would have booted the kid across the room.
And then the mommies even make jokes about being at their wits end with said adorable child. Oh honey, I feel like that everyday, but it's not from having annoying kids it's from having busy kids. Oh my children aren't perfect, I just figured out how to nip bad behavior in the bud. I'll still get cranky kid attitude steered my way once in a while, but I don't get disrespect. Want to know how?
Well, buy my book!
No, just kidding. That's how the pitch usually goes... brings you right to the brink, and then chops you off at the knees, just like a girl in a short skirt.
Well, I'll tell you how, because I'm nice like that. (donations accepted, though) Parents... stay in control. Ain't no child ever paid attention to or respected a screaming, cussing parent. Did you when you were a kid? When my Mother went off, I just thought she was crazy, and as I got older... embarrassing. But when she just stopped and looked me in the eye, oh I had the fear of God in me. Oh and the worst was when she was just quiet and told me I had dissappointed her. OH! Stab stab stab in the heart!
Easy Steps for when your child talks back or has a tantrum:
1. Physically get down to eye to eye level with them.
2. Talk to them calmly, yet firmly, maintain direct eye contact. (you can't sound like Mr. Rogers, you must be firm) If they look away, say "you need to look at me".
3. State with authority that that behavior is not acceptable and we do not do that in this house.
4. Ask them if they heard you and to repeat it.
5. Tell them when they can act in a civil manner, you will discuss it or continue whatever.
6. Stand up and continue what you were doing. (unless there's blood to clean up or something)
If a problem is more involved you may need to discuss it with them. For instance, "Would you like it if I threw a Matchbox Car at you?" Or "Why would you deliberately take the paints out after I told you no?". Sometimes "No, because I said so" isn't the best answer. Kids need to learn logic and reason. Explain to them "We don't have enough time to paint, becuase we are having guests for dinner and I need the table".
Adults, do you feel better after someone explains why they said no, rather than just saying no? I rest my case. "Can I have a raise?" "No." My first thought is "I suck". But after they tell me they lost money in the 4th Q and just can't, then I accept it.
I won't lie, it takes a great deal of patience on the parent's part. Oh and , some kids may still flip out, it's not a cure all. But if you remain calm and CONSISTENT, I can almost guarantee you'll see the behavior improve over time. It needs to start as soon as they start talking though. Just laughing off that behavior because they are "little" only creates monsters. (Have we not all learned anything from Toddlers and Tiaras?) It's never too early to start expecting respectable behavior from a child. Most important thing is, don't stoop to their level! Yea, I know we all have our limits, but even if you do have a flip out, apologize to the child and use it as a lesson that we all get stressed out, you know how the child feels. Keep the faith and have a cocktail after they go to bed.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Chill Out, it's Just Christmas Not a Death Penalty Trial
I've seen so many Facebook and Twitter posts lately that state how stressed out people are with the holidays. I was about to call the suicide prevention hotline for one woman, she seemed so on edge. I also saw another post that was so smug about how far ahead she was of the game with all her shopping and wrapping, I wanted to throw a shoe at her.
For the record, I would just like to state...
IT'S NOT A COMPETITION, PEOPLE! IT'S JUST CHRISTMAS!
Notice, I didn't say holidays? I just said Christmas. Ya' know why? Because I've never heard any of my Jewish friends stress out about Hannukah! Ok, I've only heard one Jewish friend complain but it was just mostly about having to get on a plane to see her older parents who like to eat the early bird at Howard Johnson's. Which, is usually purely for comedic value. However, she never complained about buying presents and decorating. Jewish folks make it simple, no tree, no decorations, one simple light fixture, eight days of presents so in case you forget something the first few nights... no pressure.
Kwanzaa, I admit I hardly know anything about and I don't know anyone personally who celebrates it. And most things I've read about it, anyone who does celebrate it, they celebrate Christmas too, it's not like it's an exclusive thing. I also believe it focuses on virtues and stuff like that, so again the principal is not about sweating stocking stuffers.
So, in the spirit of this being an adult survival guide, my advice to you is... chillax. What gets done, will get done. No one will notice that you forgot to put out your Wayne Newton dressed as Santa statuette. No one will notice that you only made a batch of sugar cookies and not peanut butter cookies. The kids won't care if you wrapped their stocking stuffers or didn't wrap their stocking stuffers. Just try to enjoy the spirit of Christmas, family and friends. (yes, even if you hate your family)
And you might even say, "What about the kids? It's important for the kids." Guess what? The kids will get over it. I believe you might be teaching your kids a far more valuable lesson in life if they don't get everything they want this year. I kid you not, there were years my kids got construction paper or earrings or mittens from the Dollar Store. I cried and cried. Yes, I feel terrible that I can't give my children everything I want, but my children have learned that life isn't fair and to be thankful for what they do get. I'd like to think I won't be raising a bunch of spoiled ingrates. Oh believe me many times in my heart I wish I could raise spoiled ingrates just so they have nice things, but I realize the life lesson is ok too, and will last a lifetime, unlike an iPod.
Hey, didn't that Christmas angel say, "Peace on Earth, Good Will Toward Men"? THAT's what it's about! Please everyone, spread peace and good will to others, and accept peace yourself. That's really the key, peace within yourself, and it's uncanny how it spreads to others. Take a deep breath and relish the simple joys. And remember, you will not be put to death by lethal injection if the silverware isn't polished or the stuffing is dry. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Festivus, Happy Kwanzaa to all and to all a good night! Peace!
For the record, I would just like to state...
IT'S NOT A COMPETITION, PEOPLE! IT'S JUST CHRISTMAS!
Notice, I didn't say holidays? I just said Christmas. Ya' know why? Because I've never heard any of my Jewish friends stress out about Hannukah! Ok, I've only heard one Jewish friend complain but it was just mostly about having to get on a plane to see her older parents who like to eat the early bird at Howard Johnson's. Which, is usually purely for comedic value. However, she never complained about buying presents and decorating. Jewish folks make it simple, no tree, no decorations, one simple light fixture, eight days of presents so in case you forget something the first few nights... no pressure.
Kwanzaa, I admit I hardly know anything about and I don't know anyone personally who celebrates it. And most things I've read about it, anyone who does celebrate it, they celebrate Christmas too, it's not like it's an exclusive thing. I also believe it focuses on virtues and stuff like that, so again the principal is not about sweating stocking stuffers.
So, in the spirit of this being an adult survival guide, my advice to you is... chillax. What gets done, will get done. No one will notice that you forgot to put out your Wayne Newton dressed as Santa statuette. No one will notice that you only made a batch of sugar cookies and not peanut butter cookies. The kids won't care if you wrapped their stocking stuffers or didn't wrap their stocking stuffers. Just try to enjoy the spirit of Christmas, family and friends. (yes, even if you hate your family)
And you might even say, "What about the kids? It's important for the kids." Guess what? The kids will get over it. I believe you might be teaching your kids a far more valuable lesson in life if they don't get everything they want this year. I kid you not, there were years my kids got construction paper or earrings or mittens from the Dollar Store. I cried and cried. Yes, I feel terrible that I can't give my children everything I want, but my children have learned that life isn't fair and to be thankful for what they do get. I'd like to think I won't be raising a bunch of spoiled ingrates. Oh believe me many times in my heart I wish I could raise spoiled ingrates just so they have nice things, but I realize the life lesson is ok too, and will last a lifetime, unlike an iPod.
Hey, didn't that Christmas angel say, "Peace on Earth, Good Will Toward Men"? THAT's what it's about! Please everyone, spread peace and good will to others, and accept peace yourself. That's really the key, peace within yourself, and it's uncanny how it spreads to others. Take a deep breath and relish the simple joys. And remember, you will not be put to death by lethal injection if the silverware isn't polished or the stuffing is dry. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Festivus, Happy Kwanzaa to all and to all a good night! Peace!
Monday, December 19, 2011
Let the New Blog and Life Begin...
So, I'm on a mission. I think I've figured this out. The last couple of years I have been floundering with this blog. Wondering how to still be funny but with less raunch, more purpose. I have been trying to decide which direction to take, what focus I'd like to have. In essence I've been wanting to re-brand myself.
My Myspace blog years ago, to which I had a rather large following, (over 800 followers) was focused mostly on my dating and parenting life post divorce. That was pretty easy since I hadn't been in a relationship for years. But really, how long can you write about that? It gets old after a while. Besides, my kids are teens now, I don't want them reading my dating exploits, and I'm sure it would be a major creep factor for them.
Think, think, think. What else do I know about? Well, it kind of hit me today... I know about survival. For those of you who know me, know that I have had quite a struggle over the past eleven years, well ok 20 years. For those of you who don't, here's a not entirely brief synopsis:
I thought I married a really nice, well educated, successful engineer and ex Div. I hockey player. But in 2000, I got out of a marriage to an eventual verbally abusive, alcoholic man, who had an affair on me while I was pregnant with our third child. Well back up a little, after a job transfer moved us from NY to Denver in 2000, where I didn't know a soul and had three children ages 6, 3, and 14 months. we divorced and he quickly moves in with the girl he had an affair with. He buys them a home and starts spending all his money on them. I'm stuck to find whatever rental I can afford. I had to keep finding jobs where I could take care of my children 90% of the time because he always traveled with his job. I had been a stay at home mom for 5 years, I could only get crap jobs, I was in radio and TV before that. I kept having to quit before I got fired because I'd have childcare problems. In 2004 he moved back East, leaving me in Denver to raise them alone, making monthly visits, which towards the end were cut short with kids calling me crying.
I was a realtor at the time and the bust hit Denver in 2006. I could no longer afford to live there and I was losing my mind raising the children alone. So I moved back to Rochester at the end of 2006 with the promise from my ex that there would be all kinds of help from him and his parents. I started over, trying to find jobs, etc. Things were looking up after about a year, I decided to go back to school while working a decent job, then my ex went off the deep end. He sunk deep into his alcoholism and disappeared, skipped town, stopped paying support, stopped talking to the kids and me. The children were devastated. He did have his moments of being a good Dad, and they missed that.
That was over 2 years ago. I had to quit a job because it was a half hour drive and couldn't be that far from my kids with no other help, and they weren't happy with me because I was a mess. I was having a nervous breakdown. First I lost half my income with losing child support, then I was jobless, I was left with a pile of extra bills he was supposed to be paying (braces, sports, etc.) got evicted, had to apply for foodstamps, medicaid, free lunch at school, and clean friend's toilets to get gas money. There was even a point where I had absolutely no income before I got approved for aid, that was a complete nightmare. But I did lose 20 lbs from not being able to afford food! Hollah! (Important Tip: always look for silver lining)
Blah, blah, blah, there were many years before that of having to rescue my kids from torturous behavior by their Dad that I won't even go into. Eventually I collected myself, got a few part-time jobs, then after a couple years re-directed myself into resuming my marketing career, and worked my way up to finding a full-time contract job (no benefits). My kids are thriving, they are all A students, and active in sports and music/theater. My oldest is a senior and has applied to some of the best colleges in the country. I got financial aid all by myself for my kids to go to 2 of the best schools in the area, because they had the grades and drive to go. And amazingly we've talked our way through this and stuck together and have all remained well grounded. Nobody has started acting out, not even me. Ok, well I couldn't have gotten through this without cocktails now and then, but I'm an adult, I'm allowed. And most importantly friends and family, couldn't have made it through without them either. Oh and one other thing, I didn't seek out a man to save me. Although, a few years and pounds ago, that stripper pole was looking like it could be a way to eat.
So, why the long story? (what's sad is that I left a whole bunch of stuff out, oy) To give you background on what I know. How to survive. My blog will be about how to survive adulthood. I will touch on all the adult subjects: financial, emotional, parenting, dating/relationships, jobs. I don't have all the answers, but I can share my experiences and tips for making it through some tough spots, all with a little laughter. Because really humor makes it all bearable. At the very least, let my life and this blog serve as an example of what mistakes not to make. :) Happy Holidays!
My Myspace blog years ago, to which I had a rather large following, (over 800 followers) was focused mostly on my dating and parenting life post divorce. That was pretty easy since I hadn't been in a relationship for years. But really, how long can you write about that? It gets old after a while. Besides, my kids are teens now, I don't want them reading my dating exploits, and I'm sure it would be a major creep factor for them.
Think, think, think. What else do I know about? Well, it kind of hit me today... I know about survival. For those of you who know me, know that I have had quite a struggle over the past eleven years, well ok 20 years. For those of you who don't, here's a not entirely brief synopsis:
I thought I married a really nice, well educated, successful engineer and ex Div. I hockey player. But in 2000, I got out of a marriage to an eventual verbally abusive, alcoholic man, who had an affair on me while I was pregnant with our third child. Well back up a little, after a job transfer moved us from NY to Denver in 2000, where I didn't know a soul and had three children ages 6, 3, and 14 months. we divorced and he quickly moves in with the girl he had an affair with. He buys them a home and starts spending all his money on them. I'm stuck to find whatever rental I can afford. I had to keep finding jobs where I could take care of my children 90% of the time because he always traveled with his job. I had been a stay at home mom for 5 years, I could only get crap jobs, I was in radio and TV before that. I kept having to quit before I got fired because I'd have childcare problems. In 2004 he moved back East, leaving me in Denver to raise them alone, making monthly visits, which towards the end were cut short with kids calling me crying.
I was a realtor at the time and the bust hit Denver in 2006. I could no longer afford to live there and I was losing my mind raising the children alone. So I moved back to Rochester at the end of 2006 with the promise from my ex that there would be all kinds of help from him and his parents. I started over, trying to find jobs, etc. Things were looking up after about a year, I decided to go back to school while working a decent job, then my ex went off the deep end. He sunk deep into his alcoholism and disappeared, skipped town, stopped paying support, stopped talking to the kids and me. The children were devastated. He did have his moments of being a good Dad, and they missed that.
That was over 2 years ago. I had to quit a job because it was a half hour drive and couldn't be that far from my kids with no other help, and they weren't happy with me because I was a mess. I was having a nervous breakdown. First I lost half my income with losing child support, then I was jobless, I was left with a pile of extra bills he was supposed to be paying (braces, sports, etc.) got evicted, had to apply for foodstamps, medicaid, free lunch at school, and clean friend's toilets to get gas money. There was even a point where I had absolutely no income before I got approved for aid, that was a complete nightmare. But I did lose 20 lbs from not being able to afford food! Hollah! (Important Tip: always look for silver lining)
Blah, blah, blah, there were many years before that of having to rescue my kids from torturous behavior by their Dad that I won't even go into. Eventually I collected myself, got a few part-time jobs, then after a couple years re-directed myself into resuming my marketing career, and worked my way up to finding a full-time contract job (no benefits). My kids are thriving, they are all A students, and active in sports and music/theater. My oldest is a senior and has applied to some of the best colleges in the country. I got financial aid all by myself for my kids to go to 2 of the best schools in the area, because they had the grades and drive to go. And amazingly we've talked our way through this and stuck together and have all remained well grounded. Nobody has started acting out, not even me. Ok, well I couldn't have gotten through this without cocktails now and then, but I'm an adult, I'm allowed. And most importantly friends and family, couldn't have made it through without them either. Oh and one other thing, I didn't seek out a man to save me. Although, a few years and pounds ago, that stripper pole was looking like it could be a way to eat.
So, why the long story? (what's sad is that I left a whole bunch of stuff out, oy) To give you background on what I know. How to survive. My blog will be about how to survive adulthood. I will touch on all the adult subjects: financial, emotional, parenting, dating/relationships, jobs. I don't have all the answers, but I can share my experiences and tips for making it through some tough spots, all with a little laughter. Because really humor makes it all bearable. At the very least, let my life and this blog serve as an example of what mistakes not to make. :) Happy Holidays!
Friday, November 11, 2011
The Culture of the Attention Whore
**This blog recently appeared on Mike Danger of 98.9 The Buzz's blog as a Guest Blogger Friday feature. http://www.rochesterbuzz.com/Guest-Blogger-Friday-F--king-Look-At-Me-/10501301?pid=180601
"In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes." I know its become cliche and everyone has said it, but yea, Andy Warhol was right. Then some dude named David Weinberger said, "On the Web, everyone will be famous to fifteen people". That's more like it.
With so many different ways to communicate instantly and so many different media venues, and recording devices at our fingertips, fame has become an epidemic. On smaller levels, I don't even know if it's fame... just attention. I had no freakin' idea there were so many people in this world that didn't get enough hugs as a child. There are a whole bunch of people in this world that make strippers (those most in need of attention) look like reclusive loners that think Ted Kaczynski was a social butterfly.
Case in point, our latest non-celebrity attention whore, Mariah Yeater. Sister-girl goes and files suit that little ole Justin Bieber fathered her child. My guess is, she just wants her 15 minutes (and a little walking around money) anyway she can get it. Even if it's making herself look like a trollop. Have you seen her pics? Ew. If it were true, I certainly hoped he'd have better taste than that. But I guess some guys get a thrill out of slummin' it, too.
This may be a dated reference but it's an excellent case study in attention whoreism, that idiot Balloon boy Dad. He doesn't even merit a name mention. Who orchestrates that nonsense and tells your kids to lie just to get his rejected-actor-ass on TV? He should be renamed "Dbag Dad".
How hungry for attention have we become as a society? Is it because there are more chances for fame and money? Is it because people have become less loving? Do we all just need a group hug and a Snuggi? Is it because life has become so stressful and expensive that we have "quick buck envy"? We figure if Snooki can make money, so can we? Oh Christ, if she can, I should be a skajillionaire with my drunk-ass shenanigans. So, I'm 20 years older than her, and my cans are a cup size smaller, it could still happen.
I admit sometimes I find myself in attention whore mode. I wrote an almost daily blog for years with hundreds of readers and hundreds of comments each day. That can certainly be addicting. But I stopped. I don't know why. Got writer's block, got tired, started getting haters, whatever. A couple years have gone by and I find myself dipping my toe into the attention waters from time to time. Posting statuses on Facebook, witty retorts on Twitter, guestblogs for the fabulous Mike Danger... And sometimes when no one responds to my witty retorts... I post a pic with cleavage. There, I said it! Ya' got me! I'm a closet attention whore! I need hugs! Forgive me Father for I have sinned...
They say the first step is admitting you have a problem. I'm Madge, and I'm an Attention Whore. (slinks away weeping)
"In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes." I know its become cliche and everyone has said it, but yea, Andy Warhol was right. Then some dude named David Weinberger said, "On the Web, everyone will be famous to fifteen people". That's more like it.
With so many different ways to communicate instantly and so many different media venues, and recording devices at our fingertips, fame has become an epidemic. On smaller levels, I don't even know if it's fame... just attention. I had no freakin' idea there were so many people in this world that didn't get enough hugs as a child. There are a whole bunch of people in this world that make strippers (those most in need of attention) look like reclusive loners that think Ted Kaczynski was a social butterfly.
Case in point, our latest non-celebrity attention whore, Mariah Yeater. Sister-girl goes and files suit that little ole Justin Bieber fathered her child. My guess is, she just wants her 15 minutes (and a little walking around money) anyway she can get it. Even if it's making herself look like a trollop. Have you seen her pics? Ew. If it were true, I certainly hoped he'd have better taste than that. But I guess some guys get a thrill out of slummin' it, too.
This may be a dated reference but it's an excellent case study in attention whoreism, that idiot Balloon boy Dad. He doesn't even merit a name mention. Who orchestrates that nonsense and tells your kids to lie just to get his rejected-actor-ass on TV? He should be renamed "Dbag Dad".
How hungry for attention have we become as a society? Is it because there are more chances for fame and money? Is it because people have become less loving? Do we all just need a group hug and a Snuggi? Is it because life has become so stressful and expensive that we have "quick buck envy"? We figure if Snooki can make money, so can we? Oh Christ, if she can, I should be a skajillionaire with my drunk-ass shenanigans. So, I'm 20 years older than her, and my cans are a cup size smaller, it could still happen.
I admit sometimes I find myself in attention whore mode. I wrote an almost daily blog for years with hundreds of readers and hundreds of comments each day. That can certainly be addicting. But I stopped. I don't know why. Got writer's block, got tired, started getting haters, whatever. A couple years have gone by and I find myself dipping my toe into the attention waters from time to time. Posting statuses on Facebook, witty retorts on Twitter, guestblogs for the fabulous Mike Danger... And sometimes when no one responds to my witty retorts... I post a pic with cleavage. There, I said it! Ya' got me! I'm a closet attention whore! I need hugs! Forgive me Father for I have sinned...
They say the first step is admitting you have a problem. I'm Madge, and I'm an Attention Whore. (slinks away weeping)
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
How Not to Have Your Obituary Read: "She Was a Pain in the Ass"
I've done a lot of reflecting in the past 2 days. Ya' see, one of my best friends from childhood died on Sunday from breast cancer at the age of 46. We first met in kindergarten at St. Mary's School. We made First Communion together and later double dated to proms together in HS and drank in bars together in college. We weren't as close as I would have liked in our adult lives but she lived in South Carolina and I lived in Denver and now NY state. But we did keep in touch.
Anyway, she was awesome. She was always the prettiest and smartest girl in the class. The boys used to follow her around drooling, but she was never vain and she was always nice to everyone. She even befriended the less desirables. She wasn't perfect, she had some trials in her adult life, but everyone still regarded her as a very kind, loving woman.
Which brings me to the point to which I arrived. I was reading her Facebook page and a condolence book attached to her obituary. Many people were writing tributes to her. All of them stated what a warm, kind, loving, caring person she was. That made me think... what do I want to be remembered for?
I know a lot of people who would want to be remembered as a great athlete, great leader, business mogul, mover and shaker, great tan, big schlong... whatever it may be. Without much hesitation, my decision was that I want to be remembered for being a loving person and making people laugh. Not in a vain way, but because all people should laugh and be happy. I want to spread the fun and joy. Let's all have a laugh, it makes the world a better place. I bet all my old time readers didn't think I was such a softie, eh? Yea, bite me...
And the loving part? I'll give you the shirt off my back, but I want us all to respect each other and ourselves too. I love everyone, but a key part of love is respect. That's why Wendy and I were friends, we didn't look down upon others, we wanted to include everyone. We weren't perfect, we still made fun of someone's outfit in high school, but we would usually try to befriend them and eventually give them fashion pointers. lol The point is, we didn't ostracize people. We weren't perfect but we weren't haters or bullyers. I still am not, and I teach my children the same principles.
Oh, and I also want to be remembered for being reasonable and fair. I hope people would think, "That Madge always made sense and told it to you straight". I don't know if it would be tasteful for me to have "Madge says: Get your head out of your ass" on my gravestone, but it would be appropriate.
I know it sounds dorky but I always wanted to have "What's So Funny 'Bout Peace, Love, and Understanding?" by Elvis Costello played at my funeral. Seriously. I also want "Danny Boy" on the bagpipes and Dennis Leary's "I'm an Asshole" to be played. Is that weird? I'm just about love, fun, and family. Elvis song = love, Dennis song = fun, Danny Boy = family (the Irish thing). And there better be lots of food, booze, and people laughing and sharing stories there.
Take a look at your life, do you want to be remembered as "she never missed the Kardashians show", or "He was the most hated man in Rochester because he slept with every woman in town and never called", or "She never left a tip in her life", or worst of all "I don't know what he did, slept and watched porn a lot, I guess"? Don't be that guy or girl.
So, you... yea you! How do you want to be remembered? What traits do you want to be remembered for? I suggest you start living it today, for tomorrow is not guaranteed. I say lovingly and laughingly to you, get your head out of your ass and live your legacy!
Anyway, she was awesome. She was always the prettiest and smartest girl in the class. The boys used to follow her around drooling, but she was never vain and she was always nice to everyone. She even befriended the less desirables. She wasn't perfect, she had some trials in her adult life, but everyone still regarded her as a very kind, loving woman.
Which brings me to the point to which I arrived. I was reading her Facebook page and a condolence book attached to her obituary. Many people were writing tributes to her. All of them stated what a warm, kind, loving, caring person she was. That made me think... what do I want to be remembered for?
I know a lot of people who would want to be remembered as a great athlete, great leader, business mogul, mover and shaker, great tan, big schlong... whatever it may be. Without much hesitation, my decision was that I want to be remembered for being a loving person and making people laugh. Not in a vain way, but because all people should laugh and be happy. I want to spread the fun and joy. Let's all have a laugh, it makes the world a better place. I bet all my old time readers didn't think I was such a softie, eh? Yea, bite me...
And the loving part? I'll give you the shirt off my back, but I want us all to respect each other and ourselves too. I love everyone, but a key part of love is respect. That's why Wendy and I were friends, we didn't look down upon others, we wanted to include everyone. We weren't perfect, we still made fun of someone's outfit in high school, but we would usually try to befriend them and eventually give them fashion pointers. lol The point is, we didn't ostracize people. We weren't perfect but we weren't haters or bullyers. I still am not, and I teach my children the same principles.
Oh, and I also want to be remembered for being reasonable and fair. I hope people would think, "That Madge always made sense and told it to you straight". I don't know if it would be tasteful for me to have "Madge says: Get your head out of your ass" on my gravestone, but it would be appropriate.
I know it sounds dorky but I always wanted to have "What's So Funny 'Bout Peace, Love, and Understanding?" by Elvis Costello played at my funeral. Seriously. I also want "Danny Boy" on the bagpipes and Dennis Leary's "I'm an Asshole" to be played. Is that weird? I'm just about love, fun, and family. Elvis song = love, Dennis song = fun, Danny Boy = family (the Irish thing). And there better be lots of food, booze, and people laughing and sharing stories there.
Take a look at your life, do you want to be remembered as "she never missed the Kardashians show", or "He was the most hated man in Rochester because he slept with every woman in town and never called", or "She never left a tip in her life", or worst of all "I don't know what he did, slept and watched porn a lot, I guess"? Don't be that guy or girl.
So, you... yea you! How do you want to be remembered? What traits do you want to be remembered for? I suggest you start living it today, for tomorrow is not guaranteed. I say lovingly and laughingly to you, get your head out of your ass and live your legacy!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Your Glass is Half Full... of Paranoia.
I read something the other day that I really like. It said...
One may think, "The glass is half full"
One may think, "The glass is half empty"
Then also one may think, "The glass is at 50% of it's capacity"
I tend to be in the school of thought of the last choice. No longer pessimistic, not blindly optimistic, but realistic. I'm hopeful, but also factual. Thankful for no longer being pessimistic.
I'd like to think I'm even-keeled, grounded. Yea, I get a little opinionated and animated, but I'm usually crusading for common sense when I do it. So, shut it!
Unlike... some people.
Yes, I'm thankful for my rational thought. I've seen so many people over the past several years that live in pessimism, paranoia, fear and anger. (My ex-in-laws, anyone?) I feel really sorry for those people. Everyone is out to get them, everything is a conspiracy, everyone wants to fool us. Yet, strangely a lot of times they believe strongly and blindly in God. They have this euphoric love and trust, almost lust for Jesus Christ. Hmmm, what's wrong with this picture?
I'm not going to bash Christians. After all, I am technically a Christian being a practicing Catholic. Yes, I know some of you scoff at that, but yes, we Catholics do have that whole Christ thing going on in our church. I just don't consider myself "born again" or "saved" or whatever the catch phrase of the day is. I have deep faith. That's between me and God...and Jesus and Mary and St. Jude, and St. Bridget and whoever else I pray to for guidance.
What bothers me is that perpetual paranoia. For example, I just read a post on a friend's Facebook page, that railed on vaccinations. It wasn't my friend that said it, it was his friend commeting on his post. This woman launched into how evil vaccines are and it's all a conspiracy by whoever is paying the scientists to tell us to buy the vaccines to control us and take over the world or something.
*heavy sigh*
Really? How sad.
I also got the jist (I could be wrong) that she also believes the media is one big vast liberal conspiracy. She probably home schools her kids, because, ya' know, schools are one big brain washing factory for liberals, sex peddlers and gays. Ok, the part about her home schooling was pure speculation and mean of me to assume but come on, I'm trying to paint a picture. Or maybe I just watched to many episodes of The Duggers, hey that's why they home school their kids!
*heavy sigh*
That must be so limiting not to trust anyone. Like I said before, how sad. Also... how tiring. To waste all that energy on fear and anxiety and paranoia and hate. My stomach is in nots just thinking about it. I certainly don't mean to be a Pollyanna, I know there are bad people out there. But to make such broad generalizations about things in such a hysterical manner is... well first it's laughable and then it's... again, sad.
I just have to say I'm really glad that I believe the glass is at 50% of capacity and not that everytime I turn my head the glass is being filled with poison additives by the government to control my mind and make me succumb to the gay agenda... what? That doesn't even make sense to me, but sadly it makes perfect sense to somebody else out there. :(
One may think, "The glass is half full"
One may think, "The glass is half empty"
Then also one may think, "The glass is at 50% of it's capacity"
I tend to be in the school of thought of the last choice. No longer pessimistic, not blindly optimistic, but realistic. I'm hopeful, but also factual. Thankful for no longer being pessimistic.
I'd like to think I'm even-keeled, grounded. Yea, I get a little opinionated and animated, but I'm usually crusading for common sense when I do it. So, shut it!
Unlike... some people.
Yes, I'm thankful for my rational thought. I've seen so many people over the past several years that live in pessimism, paranoia, fear and anger. (My ex-in-laws, anyone?) I feel really sorry for those people. Everyone is out to get them, everything is a conspiracy, everyone wants to fool us. Yet, strangely a lot of times they believe strongly and blindly in God. They have this euphoric love and trust, almost lust for Jesus Christ. Hmmm, what's wrong with this picture?
I'm not going to bash Christians. After all, I am technically a Christian being a practicing Catholic. Yes, I know some of you scoff at that, but yes, we Catholics do have that whole Christ thing going on in our church. I just don't consider myself "born again" or "saved" or whatever the catch phrase of the day is. I have deep faith. That's between me and God...and Jesus and Mary and St. Jude, and St. Bridget and whoever else I pray to for guidance.
What bothers me is that perpetual paranoia. For example, I just read a post on a friend's Facebook page, that railed on vaccinations. It wasn't my friend that said it, it was his friend commeting on his post. This woman launched into how evil vaccines are and it's all a conspiracy by whoever is paying the scientists to tell us to buy the vaccines to control us and take over the world or something.
*heavy sigh*
Really? How sad.
I also got the jist (I could be wrong) that she also believes the media is one big vast liberal conspiracy. She probably home schools her kids, because, ya' know, schools are one big brain washing factory for liberals, sex peddlers and gays. Ok, the part about her home schooling was pure speculation and mean of me to assume but come on, I'm trying to paint a picture. Or maybe I just watched to many episodes of The Duggers, hey that's why they home school their kids!
*heavy sigh*
That must be so limiting not to trust anyone. Like I said before, how sad. Also... how tiring. To waste all that energy on fear and anxiety and paranoia and hate. My stomach is in nots just thinking about it. I certainly don't mean to be a Pollyanna, I know there are bad people out there. But to make such broad generalizations about things in such a hysterical manner is... well first it's laughable and then it's... again, sad.
I just have to say I'm really glad that I believe the glass is at 50% of capacity and not that everytime I turn my head the glass is being filled with poison additives by the government to control my mind and make me succumb to the gay agenda... what? That doesn't even make sense to me, but sadly it makes perfect sense to somebody else out there. :(
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