Monday, December 19, 2011

Let the New Blog and Life Begin...

So, I'm on a mission.  I think I've figured this out.  The last couple of years I have been floundering with this blog.  Wondering how to still be funny but with less raunch, more purpose.  I have been trying to decide which direction to take, what focus I'd like to have.  In essence I've been wanting to re-brand myself.

My Myspace blog years ago, to which I had a rather large following, (over 800 followers) was focused mostly on my dating and parenting life post divorce.  That was pretty easy since I hadn't been in a relationship for years.  But really, how long can you write about that?  It gets old after a while. Besides, my kids are teens now, I don't want them reading my dating exploits, and I'm sure it would be a major creep factor for them. 

Think, think, think.  What else do I know about?  Well, it kind of hit me today... I know about survival.  For those of you who know me, know that I have had quite a struggle over the past eleven years, well ok 20 years.  For those of you who don't, here's a not entirely brief synopsis:

I thought I married a really nice, well educated, successful engineer and ex Div. I hockey player.  But in 2000, I got out of a marriage to an eventual verbally abusive, alcoholic man, who had an affair on me while I was pregnant with our third child.  Well back up a little, after a job transfer moved us from NY to Denver in 2000, where I didn't know a soul and had three children ages 6, 3, and 14 months. we divorced and he quickly moves in with the girl he had an affair with.  He buys them a home and starts spending all his money on them.  I'm stuck to find whatever rental I can afford.  I had to keep finding jobs where I could take care of my children 90% of the time because he always traveled with his job.  I had been a stay at home mom for 5 years, I could only get crap jobs, I was in radio and TV before that.  I kept having to quit before I got fired because I'd have childcare problems.   In 2004 he moved back East, leaving me in Denver to raise them alone, making monthly visits, which towards the end were cut short with kids calling me crying.

I was a realtor at the time and the bust hit Denver in 2006.  I could no longer afford to live there and I was losing my mind raising the children alone.  So I moved back to Rochester at the end of 2006 with the promise from my ex that there would be all kinds of help from him and his parents.  I started over, trying to find jobs, etc.  Things were looking up after about a year, I decided to go back to school while working a decent job, then my ex went off the deep end.  He sunk deep into his alcoholism and disappeared, skipped town, stopped paying support, stopped talking to the kids and me.  The children were devastated.  He did have his moments of being a good Dad, and they missed that.

That was over 2 years ago.  I had to quit a job because it was a half hour drive and couldn't be that far from my kids with no other help, and they weren't happy with me because I was a mess.  I was having a nervous breakdown. First I lost half my income with losing child support, then I was jobless, I was left with a pile of extra bills he was supposed to be paying (braces, sports, etc.) got evicted, had to apply for foodstamps, medicaid, free lunch at school, and clean friend's toilets to get gas money.  There was even a point where I had absolutely no income before I got approved for aid, that was a complete nightmare. But I did lose 20 lbs from not being able to afford food!  Hollah!  (Important Tip: always look for silver lining)

Blah, blah, blah, there were many years before that of having to rescue my kids from torturous behavior by their Dad that I won't even go into.  Eventually I collected myself, got a few part-time jobs, then after a couple years re-directed myself into resuming my marketing career, and worked my way up to finding a full-time contract job (no benefits).  My kids are thriving, they are all A students, and active in sports and music/theater.  My oldest is a senior and has applied to some of the best colleges in the country.  I got financial aid all by myself for my kids to go to 2 of the best schools in the area, because they had the grades and drive to go.  And amazingly we've talked our way through this and stuck together and have all remained well grounded.  Nobody has started acting out, not even me.  Ok, well I couldn't have gotten through this without cocktails now and then, but I'm an adult, I'm allowed.  And most importantly friends and family, couldn't have made it through without them either.  Oh and one other thing, I didn't seek out a man to save me.  Although, a few years and pounds ago, that stripper pole was looking like it could be a way to eat.

So, why the long story?  (what's sad is that I left a whole bunch of stuff out, oy)  To give you background on what I know.  How to survive.  My blog will be about how to survive adulthood.  I will touch on all the adult subjects: financial, emotional, parenting, dating/relationships, jobs.  I don't have all the answers, but I can share my experiences and tips for making it through some tough spots, all with a little laughter.  Because really humor makes it all bearable.  At the very least, let my life and this blog serve as an example of what mistakes not to make.  :)  Happy Holidays!


  1. While reading this all I hear is "I will survive" song. Miss the one stop blog shop MS was but I'll keep reading you. xoxo McGoogle

  2. He was an alcoholic? An abusive one? Why did you keep having children when you knew he was a verbally abusive alcoholic? Or was this a post marriage diagnosis?

  3. @Anonymous - Really? That's your take away from this?

  4. Well Anonymous, at least you gave me the benefit of the doubt with it being a post marriage diagnosis. Yes, that was the case. He wasn't an alcoholic in the early years, that I realized. There were times he didn't drink for months for sports training. But about every 6 months he tied one on and got out of hand. In hind sight it makes sense, but back then it wasn't enough for me to put a pattern together. It was a gradual thing.

  5. And the verbal abuse was gradual too. It was a gradual control thing. The house wasn't clean enough, I was a cold fish, I was lazy, I was fat, but none of it was overt until the end. That's when I got out. You only call me a bitch once, and I'm out.

  6. You have some amazing kids and you must be one amazing mom to have helped them through this tumultuous childhood. Holla!

  7. You definitely are on the strongest women that I know, but I've known that for quite a while. :)

  8. *hugs*

    You're amazing Madgie-poo. That's all I'm saying.

  9. Well, I just adore you and this blog. I'll keep reading!