Thursday, May 31, 2012

The World Revolves Around the Sun, Not You

Life has ups and downs, highs and lows, it ebbs and flows.  Hey, I made a rhyme.  Sorry, I'm a little tired, I'm easily amused.  Those high points are sure great aren't they?  Those low points can be soul crushing, can't they?  But, guess what... silver lining alert!  Those low points can be very educational and serve a great purpose.

I didn't think I had anything to write today as I am literally spent.  I'm all out of mental gas.  One daughter had oral surgery at the beginning of last week.  Another daughter had major surgery to repair a deformed breastplate last Friday and she just got out of the hospital yesterday.  I spent most every spare moment when not working at the hospital and paid about $40 in parking for the week.  And my son is graduating high school this weekend, and I had to attend brunches and ceremonies and whatnot somehow this week.  My son goes to an all boys school, so they had a  Mother/Son brunch, that damn thing made me sob like a baby as he presented me with flowers.  Oy, I'm getting verklempt just thinking about it again.  (and I'm not even Jewish)  And I'm still trying to get the third one back and forth to school and homework done and finish up lacrosse season.

Ok, ok... so anyway.  My point is not to say oh woe is me, and act like I have the worst problems in the world... I certainly don't.  Just letting you know my mental capacity is diminished because of this load.  Oh on top of all that, I had to empty out all my bank accounts to pay my sons $1,000 housing deposit for NYU this week.  And I'm doing this all alone.  Thanks, ex-husband, wherever you are.  It's such a tragedy you are missing all your children's milestones.  Oh, and I forgot to mention, I got a letter in the mail yesterday letting me know that after almost 12 years of legal divorce, my annullment was granted.  Makes one reflect and creates a certain sense of relief and failure.  :(

Oh crap, see I didn't want this to be an unloading of my woes, but maybe that was a bit therapeutic writing that.  Ok, so anyway, silver lining, yada yada... here it is.  With all this stuff that was going on, I've had some other issues pop up, like some people needing attention or having problems they wanted to talk to me about or family members wanting to educate me on one thing or another, or even my own children bringing up things that just don't need to be handled right now.  In the past I would have tried to handle everything, and put on my best crown of thorns and played martyr.  But this time, (and it was kind of hard because I am a people pleaser) I just said no.  I can only handle so much.  I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, please understand I don't dislike you, I'm just at capacity at the moment.  No Vacancy.

Ya' know, when I was in college, I couldn't stand that God damn plastic doe-eyed Nancy Reagan and her patronizing and trite campaign of "Just Say No".  As if complex drug addiction was that easy.  Anyway, now I have some respect for her being 90 something and having lived with a spouse with Alzheimer's, that had to be heartbreaking.  Anyway,  I still don't like it but I adopted the "Just Say No" motto for some things.  (I still think it's a dumbass anti-drug slogan)

I had to firmly say, "I can't deal with this now, I will discuss it later".  And if that didn't work, I just shut it down.  I'm no good to my kids with an anyeurism or nervous breakdown in the hospital.  And no one is going to put a damper on me enjoying my son's graduation either by causing drama.  He's earned this, and so have I.  I paid what wasn't covered by scholarships, I was there when he needed papers proof-read, I was there when that girl broke his heart, I nursed him through sports injuries, I drove him to every damn activity under the sun, I was there at fundraisers and plays and conerts and his sporting events, I took him on all the college visits.  So bite me, you're not going to take this away from me.  Cue James Brown... Say it loud, I'm a Grad Mom and I'm proud!

Going through tough times has taught me it's ok to say no.  It made me realize when there were people in my life that suddenly shut me off (it was usually men that I dated that were going through a divorce), it wasn't personal (I hope), it was they had bigger fish to fry and some chick they went out with a couple of times who started whining about why I can't see them was last on the list to deal with.  Hey, it only took me 12 years to learn.  It was a two-fold learning experience, 1. It's ok to say no when you're overloaded.  and 2. Don't take it personally when someone says no to you.  Saying "Thank you, I understand" and giving space will keep that lasting relationship rather than pissing and moaning and trying to force someone to pay attention to you.   Don't be so quick to judge, you never know what someone else has going on.  It's not always about you or me, sometimes there are just bigger forces at work.  Love and kisses, now leave me the hell alone!  (just kidding, leave me lots of comments)  :)

10 comments:

  1. I love it! And vent away, you've earned it :)

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  2. It's interesting, I know a lot of people who are finally learning how to say no once they get a little older. I try to say yes to most things and I am a bit of a people pleaser (or was in the past). But now I'm learning how to draw some boundaries when it's necessary for my own survival. Good for you! And congratulations on your son's graduation.

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    1. Yea, I've always said yes to everything, anywhere, anytime. I still have a little guilt but I need to draw the line somewhere. Good for you. And thanks!

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  3. The last part of your post about just saying no.....well written and it gave me something to think about.
    And the rest of the post? I can say with confidence....as a mother...YOU ROCK!

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  4. Isn't wisdom wonderful- -okay I admit, I don't know it all but at least I can also admit that I cannot do it all too! I will never regret trying to do it all....that is just me. But I do love that now I can and do say no to somethings. Especially when the going is getting tough.

    I agree-- you ROCK as a Mom! Enjoy!

    I stopped by your blog from the blogger comment club--

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    1. Thank you so much! You feel bad sometimes but remember boundaries are our friends. :)

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