Thursday, April 5, 2012

Here's Your Holiday Frozen Dinner Kids, Now Pour Mommy Another Drink...

This is going to be a post with a very small demographic that will be interested in the subject matter.  A niche blog, if you will.  Or maybe I'll be surprised and more people will agree with me.  It's about how I am totally over "Mommies with Small Children" talk.

Yes, yes, I know I'm totally being a hypocrit because I used to be one.  But that's why I hate it now because I've done my time, I'm over the whole poopy diaper talk.  Don't get me wrong, I loooooved being a Mom of small children, I was even a stay-at-home mom for 5 years when my kids were babies and toddlers.  But now they are 18, 15, and 13 and I've raised them 90% by myself with their Dad being MIA, so yea, I'm done with the whole "I found great crafts to do with my kids" stuff.  Screw you, and your crafts.  I enjoy laughing and talking and discussing music and movies with my kids.  They are more entertaining than most adults I know.

I have to say that even when I had small children I was mindful of not incessantly talking about the latest bed wetting incident or how when my son said hockey puck it sounded like a bad word.  And seriously stop making every Facebook status about that stuff too, I'm about to defreind your ass.  I just knew that it was annoying to other people, because honestly when all of my much older brothers and sisters were having kids when I was still in HS, college, and after, and they talked about it all the time, I wanted to punch them in the pancreas.

I don't begrudge Mother's bragging (hell I do that one all the time) or trading stories about their children, but when every new Mom acts like they are the first one to ever have kids it gets on my last damn nerve.  Holy cow, you're right!  You are the first one to ever have a kid dump their entire dinner off of the high chair!  Oh my God, PLEASE tell me what it's like!  *eye roll*

So I'm a bitch.  Yea, say it.  It's just that... I'm tired.  Been there, done that.  And now even when I'm talking to Moms who have teens like me and they talk about all the great crap they are making for the holidays for the kids, I want to get out the ice pick and start stabbing.  I've never been a Suzie Homemaker, but I always tried to make things as special as I could with being broke and no domestic motivation.  I've played Santa and the Easter Bunny all by myself for the past 15 years.  I even played a damn leprechaun on St. Paddy's Day, 'cuz that's how we Irish do.  *thumps chest*  But again, I say to you...

I'm tired.

I put all my energy into working full time, running kids around to every activity and appointment under the sun, and trying to have a relationship, but let's face it, men at our age are just like having another child.  When they start asking you to put ointment on sh*t, it's all over for you in the romance department. 

But with my kids, I put my energy into different areas now.  I am at every event they have, every sport, every concert, every fundraiser at school.  I dry their tears over romantic rejection or frustration with a class.  I know all their friends, I have to because at this age, you let one little scumbag get near them and it can change their whole course of history.  You think I'm kidding?  How many times have you heard the phrase, "I got in with the wrong crowd"?  I rest my case.  Also, I've spent hours upon hours filling out FAFSA forms for these kids to go to their awesome private schools and for my son to go to the college of his choosing next year because he's smart and works hard, (which will probably be NYU).  I'm driving him down to NYU next weekend for an admitted students weekend.  So, you'll forgive me if I don't make God damn homemade Easter baskets!

Oh who am I kidding, I'll still buy some peppermint patties and peanut butter cups on my food stamps and fill up their old baskets.  But I won't be happy about it!  And I don't want to hear about yours! *grumble grumble*  I try to be nice and fein interest, I really do, but please don't make me feel like a big pile of crap because I'm not still in the storytime and playgroup mindset while making Christmas cookies.  I did my time... now get Mommy another drink...


  1. Mostly I think parents way way over share about things that should remain private - not everything needs to be out on Facebook - whether it's bed wetting or Sally got her first period blah blah blah. Parents need to use a little discretion and teach their kids about dignity. Plenty of time to grow up & make asses out of themselves in a public setting.

  2. Exactly! And you know what else I think is awful, people that share videos on YouTube of their kids crying over basketball stars, or tipsy on anesthesia, or falling asleep on skiis. You are exploiting your kids and embarrassing them in public, it's shitty.

  3. You are fabulous!

  4. I am so with you on this! Parents go way too overboard when sharing what their kids are doing. Also, it drives me absolutely crazy when I hear parents talk in baby talk to their kids. Although there was praise within the household when they first used the toilet, we did not say "Little Johnny just made poo poo in his toi toi! Give me a freakin break! I honestly had a man working for me that would say he needed to go to lunch because he was "hungee" and wanted to eat his "ssmich". Trust me Kevin, that is NOT HOT for a 35 year old man!

  5. I'm sorry, the sentence about Kevin should have read "samich", not "ssmich". Oops!

  6. I figured it was samich. lol I cannot stand baby talk. I would have punched him.

  7. Madge, I really think you would get along swimmingly with my mother. I'm the oldest, my brother a yr and half younger, and my sister is 7 years younger than me. She was pretty much over-it before my sister was even born! haha

    1. Unfortunately, I get it from my Mom. I'm the youngest of 6, my Mother was over it before I was born too. I never even had one birthday party growing up. Hence my case of Attention Whorism. :)