Fasten your seatbelts because I'm gonna' be the douchebag today. All buckled in? I've got my helmet, Kevlar vest, and athletic cup on. Ok, here we go...
I live in Rochester, NY, which is home to the suburb of Greece which spawned the viral video sensation of Karen Klein the bus monitor and the four foul mouthed moppets "bullying" her. I thought the children were disgusting. But it was obviously a game amongst them of "can you top this" with the most shocking and disgusting insult to Karen. It was inexcusable, deplorable and those kids should be kicked off the bus permanently and made to deal with their angry parents who will have to take time out of work to cart their asses around. As a parent I know that would be the most effective punishment for my kids. Hell hath no fury like a parent who has to take time off of work for something that could be avoided.
(Working parents, tell me if you haven't asked the school nurse when they call you at work, "Is the temperature really that bad?" "Well you stopped the bleeding already didn't you?" Because you all know time off work is money or co-workers or boss bitching about "Madge is always shirking her responsibilities because of her constant sick kids" BS. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I digress.)
Here comes the douchebag part... How the hell does this warrant over $600,000 (last I checked) in reward to her for not doing her job?!!!!! Yes, yes those kids were awful but she's the adult! Isn't it a bus monitors job to keep order, not just ignore kids and sit in the seat and attempting to ignore them? It was reported that this wasn't the first time this happened and she had never reported any of the bad behavior, which according to my research is part of her job duties. Also, when I was a kid we couldn't even talk loud on the bus! If there was a group of us getting a little rowdy, the bus driver would stop the bus and split us up. Why the hell did this woman not tell them to stop talking and recording or she would report them? Why did she not send them to four different seats far apart and tell them to behave?
I'm not saying she asked for the money or is at fault for any of the money part, I'm saying it's kind of silly for people to donate to that cause. I'm sure she's very nice, but this whole thing got blown waaaaay out of proportion. As is everything that goes viral nowadays. Hell we make celebrities out of little kids on anesthesia! Give me a break.
I'm just saying, it takes two to Tango. I understand a kid being bullied, they don't have the maturity to defend themselves. But an adult? Ok, so she's "old". Last I checked 68 wasn't that old. I have sisters in their 60s that are still running 10K road races and I'm sure would kick my ass if I got out of line. And it's her God damn job to supposedly keep these kids in line or at the very least report them if they don't stay in line! Hike up your polyester pants Karen, and lay down the law!
And where was the bus driver?!!! I know he's busy driving the bus, but he could have pulled over the bus, I'm sure he heard the ruckus. Or she could have at least told him to pull over and told the little cretins that the bus wasn't moving again until they cut it out. They'd be pissed if she cut into their Xbox time!
I'm so tired of adults blaming the kids for the downfall of society. Be the damn adult! You have the control!
I've read everyday in the news here locally that they have had rallies and receptions like she's some kind of freakin' hero! I'm just kind of dumbfounded by the whole thing.
So if we follow that logic, could you all start a fund for me because I had my ex-husband verbally and physically abuse me? He was 6' tall and 220lbs of solid muscle, ex-hockey player (a defenseman goon to boot). At least I had an excuse, I couldn't undo his monster death grips on my arm. But I soon said enough and made him leave. I took responsibility. I understand some women get the crap beat out of them when they try to break it off, so it's easier to stay (in their mind). I was really lucky the physical stuff didn't get to that level. But I don't feel like anybody owes me squat.
I've had grown men in bars call me foul names because I rebuffed their advances. Like really nasty stuff that I can't repeat. If I didn't just leave, I'd tell the bouncer, that this guy was harrassing women and they'd escort him out. Nipped in the bud. Took control.
So yea, I'm a jerk. I just don't see where that unfortunate incident garners a trip to the community chest for this woman. It just goes to show you, America loves a good victim story. Why do you think there have been so many stories in the news lately of people getting busted for faking cancer to get a financial windfall or free wedding? Or why we hear of so many people getting scammed on the internet by those poor helpless millionaires in Nigeria that can't access their money? Because they know we are suckers. Which blows for the people that really are in need.
And I'll even take the douchebag one further... America loves a nice WHITE victim. Poor nice white lady gets harrassed... America to the rescue! Pretty suburban white girl goes missing... America to the rescue! Black or hispanic child goes missing... America is too busy to pay attention. Elderly non-white woman gets harrassed on the public bus everyday by young hoodlums... America could give a crap.
I know these are two separate issues, but seriously America, pay attention to the real injustices and let Karen Klein learn how to do her job figure out how to pay for her own damn vacation. Be the adult. Take control.
Let the hate mail begin...
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Yes I Suck But Parenting is Not a Competitive Sport
I started following an account on Twitter this week that I really like, Sh*tty Mom. Check it out. It's a book coming out that I believe is written by two women, and oh how I relate to these women. (if you want to follow me on Twitter, I'm @MadgeMadigan)
I must confess something... I produced my first college scholarship winning child by being a crappy mom. Also my two daughters are still in high school and middle school and are A students, and this is another result of my crappiness.
I frankly have no idea how this happened. My son is going to NYU in an honors program in the Fall. He's a wonderfully down to Earth, kind, polite, good athlete, funny as hell, talented in singing and acting, and very insightful. I have two daughters (I hate to lump them together but they are very similar, see evidence of crappy momness) who are A students, good athletes, kind, polite, funny as hell, talented in singing, acting and art, and are very insightful (when not being hormonal).
And what did I do? Pretty much nothing. The question should be more of what didn't I do? Shall I list? Yes, let me count my apathetic ways...
- I never once "made" any sort of foodstuffs for a birthday party, or school party, or Girl Scout shindig, or end of the season soccer party, or some such other convoluted self-esteem building event for children. I tried to avoid having to do anything all together, but if I was forced to I opted to bring the paper products, ya' know plates, napkins, etc.
- I never bought my kids anything that cost more than $40 for a present.
- I never kept my house immaculate. I'm usually apologizing for the mess when people come over. I didn't get the housekeeping gene. I mean, it's not like I'm a hoarder with 6 inches of animal feces and fast food wrappers on the floor. But there's always stuff around, backpacks, books, magazines, some dust, evidence that we are living. After a while I become oblivious to it. I guess I wish an unkempt house bothered me a little more but it just doesn't. *hangs head*
- I never thoroughly enjoyed playing with my kids outside. Sometimes I did, but a lot of times I sat in a chair while they ran around. I'm sad I didn't have the energy to frolic through a meadow with them as if we were in a detergent commercial, but at least I was there. Albeit sometimes I was texting or talking on the phone but hey, I was supervising.
- I didn't go to every single one of my kid's sporting events. I almost did! But sometimes there were three at once and it was just impossible. Other times I couldn't get out of work. Other times I was just too drunk. NO! I'm kidding. Just seeing if you were paying attention...
- I've never caught up on laundry. Almost everyday my kids are pulling the clothes they want to wear out of the laundry basket of clean clothes I just brought up from the basement but haven'tbothered had time to fold.
So yea, I suck. But the truth is a lot of us Moms suck. And ya' know what? It's ok.
Sure we all suck compared to June Cleaver, Donna Reed, or Carol Brady. Hmmm, are those references too dated? Have there even been any "perfect moms" on TV in the last 25 years? I don't know, wasn't the mom on Home Improvement kind of perfect-y? Anyway. The point is, it's a different world but women still have the "Super Woman" complex. We feel we need to be all things to all people. Let's face it, women can be a wicked competitive lot. And then sometimes women make stupid choices because of what they feel are the more important successes that should be noticed.
Why was I a slacker in all of those areas? Because I was a divorced Mother of 3 children for 10 years, with an ex who I couldn't depend on, and I had to work to support the four of us. And any job I've ever had has never paid more than $36k/year. I couldn't afford much of anything that's why I tried not to volunteer to bring stuff. Crappy I know, but I wasn't going to spend money I didn't have just so I looked good to the other Moms. I didn't blow my money on expensive things for the kids just to look good either. I did my share when we all had to pitch in, but I was always praying that we were done with soccer games before they got to my name on the snack list. What the hell do kids need a snack for? They won't starve before they get home. I played plenty of sports and I never collapsed from malnourishment in the time it took to leave the school and arrive at home.
I didn't enjoy playing with the kids all the time because I was damn tired from working and being both parents. I didn't clean like a motherhucker because I was tired and I thought my time would be better spent sitting down and talking to my kids and helping them with their homework and feeding and cleaning them.
Basically I had to pick and choose how my time and money were best spent. I would have loved to bring fabulous baked goods to all their gatherings but I resolved myself to the fact that I'd rather people know me for my awesome kids than my awesome cookies. Don't get me wrong, I do know women who have great kids and great cookies... and I envy them. But I do know they might be lacking in other areas, say maybe they ignore their spouse in order to make good cookies. Look ladies, we just can't be all things to all people so don't beat yourself up over it. Do the best you can do but try to put the kids first. It used to bother me that I couldn't be perfect but now I freely admit that I'm... craptastic!
I must confess something... I produced my first college scholarship winning child by being a crappy mom. Also my two daughters are still in high school and middle school and are A students, and this is another result of my crappiness.
I frankly have no idea how this happened. My son is going to NYU in an honors program in the Fall. He's a wonderfully down to Earth, kind, polite, good athlete, funny as hell, talented in singing and acting, and very insightful. I have two daughters (I hate to lump them together but they are very similar, see evidence of crappy momness) who are A students, good athletes, kind, polite, funny as hell, talented in singing, acting and art, and are very insightful (when not being hormonal).
And what did I do? Pretty much nothing. The question should be more of what didn't I do? Shall I list? Yes, let me count my apathetic ways...
- I never once "made" any sort of foodstuffs for a birthday party, or school party, or Girl Scout shindig, or end of the season soccer party, or some such other convoluted self-esteem building event for children. I tried to avoid having to do anything all together, but if I was forced to I opted to bring the paper products, ya' know plates, napkins, etc.
- I never bought my kids anything that cost more than $40 for a present.
- I never kept my house immaculate. I'm usually apologizing for the mess when people come over. I didn't get the housekeeping gene. I mean, it's not like I'm a hoarder with 6 inches of animal feces and fast food wrappers on the floor. But there's always stuff around, backpacks, books, magazines, some dust, evidence that we are living. After a while I become oblivious to it. I guess I wish an unkempt house bothered me a little more but it just doesn't. *hangs head*
- I never thoroughly enjoyed playing with my kids outside. Sometimes I did, but a lot of times I sat in a chair while they ran around. I'm sad I didn't have the energy to frolic through a meadow with them as if we were in a detergent commercial, but at least I was there. Albeit sometimes I was texting or talking on the phone but hey, I was supervising.
- I didn't go to every single one of my kid's sporting events. I almost did! But sometimes there were three at once and it was just impossible. Other times I couldn't get out of work. Other times I was just too drunk. NO! I'm kidding. Just seeing if you were paying attention...
- I've never caught up on laundry. Almost everyday my kids are pulling the clothes they want to wear out of the laundry basket of clean clothes I just brought up from the basement but haven't
So yea, I suck. But the truth is a lot of us Moms suck. And ya' know what? It's ok.
Sure we all suck compared to June Cleaver, Donna Reed, or Carol Brady. Hmmm, are those references too dated? Have there even been any "perfect moms" on TV in the last 25 years? I don't know, wasn't the mom on Home Improvement kind of perfect-y? Anyway. The point is, it's a different world but women still have the "Super Woman" complex. We feel we need to be all things to all people. Let's face it, women can be a wicked competitive lot. And then sometimes women make stupid choices because of what they feel are the more important successes that should be noticed.
Why was I a slacker in all of those areas? Because I was a divorced Mother of 3 children for 10 years, with an ex who I couldn't depend on, and I had to work to support the four of us. And any job I've ever had has never paid more than $36k/year. I couldn't afford much of anything that's why I tried not to volunteer to bring stuff. Crappy I know, but I wasn't going to spend money I didn't have just so I looked good to the other Moms. I didn't blow my money on expensive things for the kids just to look good either. I did my share when we all had to pitch in, but I was always praying that we were done with soccer games before they got to my name on the snack list. What the hell do kids need a snack for? They won't starve before they get home. I played plenty of sports and I never collapsed from malnourishment in the time it took to leave the school and arrive at home.
I didn't enjoy playing with the kids all the time because I was damn tired from working and being both parents. I didn't clean like a motherhucker because I was tired and I thought my time would be better spent sitting down and talking to my kids and helping them with their homework and feeding and cleaning them.
Basically I had to pick and choose how my time and money were best spent. I would have loved to bring fabulous baked goods to all their gatherings but I resolved myself to the fact that I'd rather people know me for my awesome kids than my awesome cookies. Don't get me wrong, I do know women who have great kids and great cookies... and I envy them. But I do know they might be lacking in other areas, say maybe they ignore their spouse in order to make good cookies. Look ladies, we just can't be all things to all people so don't beat yourself up over it. Do the best you can do but try to put the kids first. It used to bother me that I couldn't be perfect but now I freely admit that I'm... craptastic!
Thursday, June 14, 2012
My Date With a Serial Killer
It's probably not a wise idea to determine that you want to go forward with something just because you don't want to do the alternative ever again. Like deciding to quit high school because you never want to take a test again. That's stupid in the long run, know what I mean? Besides, you'll be "tested" all your life, dumbass. Pull up your skirt, Sally and get back to work.
So should someone decide to get married just because they never want to date again? I've actually heard that decision announced before. Now having been married before and had a long period of dating post divorce, I'm tempted to go hide in the confines of marriage after what I've encountered.
What got me thinking was going out for my birthday this week to a restaurant that's hot with the middle age single crowd. I soon noticed it was all the exact samelame-os people that were there three years ago the last time I was single. Then I started to stroll down memory lane, taking inventory of all my dating exploits as an adult. I'm surprised none of my dates has shown up on America's Most Wanted as a psychotic serial killer. I can think of one in particular...
It was probably 8, 9, 10 years ago (I forget, I've blocked it out) I was living in Denver and regularly doing the Match.com thing. This isn't an "all people online are crazy" thing, I met a few rather nice fellows, this one just happened to be a shit show. I started exchanging emails with a decent looking, charming, stylish gentleman a few years older than me. Now, once I start to tell you his details you will probably think, "Madge how could you possibly believe this asshat?!" Now mind you details were leaked slowly as if he was a natural gas leak.
Some details escape me like if he had been married or had kids, but I do remember he said he didn't live around Denver, he only visited occasionally for business. Then there was something about owning a vineyard somewhere and had a wine label. Now that is not entirely impossible as there are thousands of small wineries in this country. Eventually he tells me he was orphaned as a child as both of his parents died in a car accident when he was a baby. It could happen. Then something about being taken in by an Italian couple... I'm also remembering something about sending a baby up a river in a basket with a Hebrew slave cloth, but I might just be confused, it was a while ago. He said he spoke Italian but I soon realized he only ever seemed to throw out the same 4 or 5 Italian words.
The lies got more elaborate, as the couple turned into wealthy Italians who lived part-time in Europe and he had or would be inheriting all this stuff. Anyway, the more suspicious lies were coming out after I agreed to meet. I think I just met him in person just to see what would happen with the stories.
So we meet at a local hotspot. He walks up to me and he looks somewhat like his pics but you could tell they were from several years earlier. For those that know, he looked just like Rich Wakile from Real Housewives of New Jersey:
He wasn't terrible looking and he had some expensive-looking European clothes. So we sit down and he orders a Maker's Marker for himself and me a Bombay Sapphire and tonic. He keeps stressing how he's not from around these parts. He slams his drink and quickly orders another one for himself and me. Um, I had barely taken a sip of the first one you ordered me.
As conversation goes on, I start to question his stories. It seems I'm calling him out a little. He appears a little agitated and takes me out on the dance floor. As we are out amongst the crowd, all these folks keep saying hi to him and giving big hugs and kisses. Um, thought you didn't know anyone? He said he met them on his trips here. Then I'm starting to eavesdrop, because everytime a person would come by he would turn away to have a conversation. This is when I started to hear things like "Have you found a job yet?", "Everybody back where you work at blah blah down the street misses you", "Hey, how's your brother?". I was furious, yet humiliated I fell for it. However, I didn't really "fall" for anything, I kinda' knew, but it was like a car wreck, I wanted to go look to see if there were any survivors.
We go back to the table he immediately orders another drink, as I have two unfinished. When the drink came, I said, "We'll have the check", because I knew the "date" would be ending after I said my peace. I had a big smile and said, "Ya' know I heard all of your conversations, I know everything you told me was a lie". I didn't even get mad, I tried to let him off the hook. But do you know what the m*****f***er does? He starts yelling at me about.. what, I don't remember because I was busy picking my jaw off the floor. Something about me being a bitch and negative and thinking I'm too good... then he slams his drink down his throat, throws the bill at me and stomps out.
So should someone decide to get married just because they never want to date again? I've actually heard that decision announced before. Now having been married before and had a long period of dating post divorce, I'm tempted to go hide in the confines of marriage after what I've encountered.
What got me thinking was going out for my birthday this week to a restaurant that's hot with the middle age single crowd. I soon noticed it was all the exact same
It was probably 8, 9, 10 years ago (I forget, I've blocked it out) I was living in Denver and regularly doing the Match.com thing. This isn't an "all people online are crazy" thing, I met a few rather nice fellows, this one just happened to be a shit show. I started exchanging emails with a decent looking, charming, stylish gentleman a few years older than me. Now, once I start to tell you his details you will probably think, "Madge how could you possibly believe this asshat?!" Now mind you details were leaked slowly as if he was a natural gas leak.
Some details escape me like if he had been married or had kids, but I do remember he said he didn't live around Denver, he only visited occasionally for business. Then there was something about owning a vineyard somewhere and had a wine label. Now that is not entirely impossible as there are thousands of small wineries in this country. Eventually he tells me he was orphaned as a child as both of his parents died in a car accident when he was a baby. It could happen. Then something about being taken in by an Italian couple... I'm also remembering something about sending a baby up a river in a basket with a Hebrew slave cloth, but I might just be confused, it was a while ago. He said he spoke Italian but I soon realized he only ever seemed to throw out the same 4 or 5 Italian words.
The lies got more elaborate, as the couple turned into wealthy Italians who lived part-time in Europe and he had or would be inheriting all this stuff. Anyway, the more suspicious lies were coming out after I agreed to meet. I think I just met him in person just to see what would happen with the stories.
So we meet at a local hotspot. He walks up to me and he looks somewhat like his pics but you could tell they were from several years earlier. For those that know, he looked just like Rich Wakile from Real Housewives of New Jersey:
He wasn't terrible looking and he had some expensive-looking European clothes. So we sit down and he orders a Maker's Marker for himself and me a Bombay Sapphire and tonic. He keeps stressing how he's not from around these parts. He slams his drink and quickly orders another one for himself and me. Um, I had barely taken a sip of the first one you ordered me.
As conversation goes on, I start to question his stories. It seems I'm calling him out a little. He appears a little agitated and takes me out on the dance floor. As we are out amongst the crowd, all these folks keep saying hi to him and giving big hugs and kisses. Um, thought you didn't know anyone? He said he met them on his trips here. Then I'm starting to eavesdrop, because everytime a person would come by he would turn away to have a conversation. This is when I started to hear things like "Have you found a job yet?", "Everybody back where you work at blah blah down the street misses you", "Hey, how's your brother?". I was furious, yet humiliated I fell for it. However, I didn't really "fall" for anything, I kinda' knew, but it was like a car wreck, I wanted to go look to see if there were any survivors.
We go back to the table he immediately orders another drink, as I have two unfinished. When the drink came, I said, "We'll have the check", because I knew the "date" would be ending after I said my peace. I had a big smile and said, "Ya' know I heard all of your conversations, I know everything you told me was a lie". I didn't even get mad, I tried to let him off the hook. But do you know what the m*****f***er does? He starts yelling at me about.. what, I don't remember because I was busy picking my jaw off the floor. Something about me being a bitch and negative and thinking I'm too good... then he slams his drink down his throat, throws the bill at me and stomps out.
Yes, scumbag leaves me with a 40 something dollar bill and a bag of bullsh*t. I was mad about him inhaling drinks and stiffing me. No not that, I meant sticking me with the bill. But I could do nothing but laugh and shake my head and wonder what he was thinking. Maybe he was so depressed about his life he wanted to pretend to be someone else for a while. That seems to happen a lot on the interwebz. How long did he think he could ride these stories? It's like people showing up to a date 100 lbs heavier than their online pics, do they think you'd be blinded by their stellar charm? But I take responsibility for getting duped, well not duped because I was skeptical to begin with. Let's just say curious. However for the future, I don't recommend going out with someone if you think they're lying, it could be dangerous. Obviously he had a temper, it could have ended worse.
But should I take a dive into the security of marriage just because I don't want to deal with the prospect of that happening again? Probably not a wise idea. Yea, lots of widows back in the day used to just marry a guy to get health insurance again even though she knew he beat her kids. Eh, what are ya' gonna' do? What you should do is weigh all sides equally, good and bad and make a sound decision. And have the balls to face stuff you don't really want, don't go hide under your security blanket as an alternative. You're gonna' have a few thorns amongst the roses.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
A "Meeting in the Ladies Room" I Will Never Forget
Well, I survived the last couple of weeks with my 2 daughter's surgeries and my son's high school graduation. Piece of cake. Well, actually I think it's like child birth, there is some magic chemical in our bodies that makes us forget what hell we went through.
And I got some interesting stories out of it. From my youngest daughter's 10 minute oral surgery that took her two days to recover from anesthesia sickness to the baby that was my other daughter's roommate after her surgery whom no one ever came to visit :( to my son being stranded 20 miles from home at a prom after party that he went to as a last minute favor the night before graduation. (he thought they were only staying an hour, he got stuck there til next morning) Ah, memories...
One in particular that happened to me sticks out though as a foreshadowing of my future... that I'll try to avoid.
My son went to an all boys Catholic prep school. So as part of any good Catholic high school graduation, they have a baccalaureate mass earlier in the day before graduation. My son had to get there early because he was singing at the mass with the school choir... and so we could get a seat, you know with us Catholics and our large families, seating was limited.
So, yea the mass... We had plenty of time to mill about and at one point my youngest daughter and I decide to go to the ladies room. (oh great now I have Klymaxx's "Meeting in the Ladies Room" stuck in my head) This particular ladies room had a long narrow, oh what would you call it, ya' know "lounge" with a sink and vanity and long counter for doing prissy lady things. I lovingly refer to it as the "pre-toilet" room. Then there is a one seater toilet room beyond this room. My daughter and I are in line behind one other woman. This "lounge" room is long and narrow, so you all have to stand in line for the loo up against the wall like a police line-up.
The toilet room door opens and a cheery older woman comes out who is about in her 70s. The woman ahead of us goes in the toilet room. Older woman is chatting away "Oh sorry to hold everyone up!". This woman was probably one of the boy's Grandmas. She was wearing one of those "skirt suits" that old ladies wear with a skirt, an elaborately embroidered long jacket and rayon shell underneath, with a nice pair of sensible dress shoes and lots of diamond jewelry. As she's walking out she's tugging at her skirt and chatting away. I chatted back to be friendly as I always do. My kids actually said they like that I can make friendly conversation with anyone from a cashier to a nasty DMV clerk. Which is surprising because my parents did it when I was a kid and it used to embarrass the crap out of me. "Jesus Mary and Joseph, Mom! Do you have to talk to everyone, can't we just go?"
Right, so anyway, old lady comes out tugging and chatting, and then stops at the end of the counter space and is still chatting at me. Due to the specs of the room, there was nowhere to look but directly at her. She starts telling us that she got out quickly so as to let us all get in there and thought she would just adjust herself out in this particular area. Well thanks for explaining lady, I thought perhaps you had crazed weazels up your skirt or something. She chats more (for the life of me I can't remember the subject, maybe the weather, the school, I don't know) and she starts tugging at the ankles of her hose. Then she moves up to tug at the knees. Then the thighs. Then she pulls up her skirt to her high thigh and goes up under her skirt and is pulling up there and doing the "adjusting the pantyhose dance" a bit. I thought that was a little ummmm.. unlady-like, but ignored it.
But then as she is still happily chatting away to me, she hikes her skirt up over her waist, which turns it inside out and now she can pull it up to her armpits and hold it there by closing her arms. With her skirt all up in her armpits, she grabs the waistband of her pantyhose and starts pulling them up to her bossoms (as old ladies say) as she starts doing deep knee bends to scooch them up. Ladies, we all know we've done this, but watching someone's Grandma do it in a public restroom is like walking in on your parents having sex, kinda' creepy. Mind you she's still chatting away while doing the deep knee bends and yanking her hose over her gigantic dark colored granny (literally) panties. I should win an award, I kept a straight face the whole time. My 13 year old daughter made believe she was fixing her sandles so her eyes didn't burn from the spectacle.
Grandma soon finishes up and wishes us well and exits. My daughter and I immediately turned to each other with the wide-eyed "what the hell was that?!" look and burst out laughing. After we get done in the bathroom and are walking back into the church, my daughter says "Oh Mom, that's so you in 25 years". And every time I told that story to my other 2 kids or my "Manfriend", they all responded with that same sentence! Hey! I know I'm a little quirky, and don't care what people think, and just make a joke out of everything but I'd like to think I had enough decorum not to yank my skirt over my head in a public restroom while I do calisthenics to adjust the crotch of my pantyhose! Well, as I turn 47 this Monday (6/11), and my girls have had to stop me from walking into Wegmans with a giant ass-sweat stain on my khaki shorts on a scorching day... I guess only time will tell.
Have you ever had any odd public bathroom encounters? Do leave a comment and tell...
And I got some interesting stories out of it. From my youngest daughter's 10 minute oral surgery that took her two days to recover from anesthesia sickness to the baby that was my other daughter's roommate after her surgery whom no one ever came to visit :( to my son being stranded 20 miles from home at a prom after party that he went to as a last minute favor the night before graduation. (he thought they were only staying an hour, he got stuck there til next morning) Ah, memories...
One in particular that happened to me sticks out though as a foreshadowing of my future... that I'll try to avoid.
My son went to an all boys Catholic prep school. So as part of any good Catholic high school graduation, they have a baccalaureate mass earlier in the day before graduation. My son had to get there early because he was singing at the mass with the school choir... and so we could get a seat, you know with us Catholics and our large families, seating was limited.
So, yea the mass... We had plenty of time to mill about and at one point my youngest daughter and I decide to go to the ladies room. (oh great now I have Klymaxx's "Meeting in the Ladies Room" stuck in my head) This particular ladies room had a long narrow, oh what would you call it, ya' know "lounge" with a sink and vanity and long counter for doing prissy lady things. I lovingly refer to it as the "pre-toilet" room. Then there is a one seater toilet room beyond this room. My daughter and I are in line behind one other woman. This "lounge" room is long and narrow, so you all have to stand in line for the loo up against the wall like a police line-up.
The toilet room door opens and a cheery older woman comes out who is about in her 70s. The woman ahead of us goes in the toilet room. Older woman is chatting away "Oh sorry to hold everyone up!". This woman was probably one of the boy's Grandmas. She was wearing one of those "skirt suits" that old ladies wear with a skirt, an elaborately embroidered long jacket and rayon shell underneath, with a nice pair of sensible dress shoes and lots of diamond jewelry. As she's walking out she's tugging at her skirt and chatting away. I chatted back to be friendly as I always do. My kids actually said they like that I can make friendly conversation with anyone from a cashier to a nasty DMV clerk. Which is surprising because my parents did it when I was a kid and it used to embarrass the crap out of me. "Jesus Mary and Joseph, Mom! Do you have to talk to everyone, can't we just go?"
Right, so anyway, old lady comes out tugging and chatting, and then stops at the end of the counter space and is still chatting at me. Due to the specs of the room, there was nowhere to look but directly at her. She starts telling us that she got out quickly so as to let us all get in there and thought she would just adjust herself out in this particular area. Well thanks for explaining lady, I thought perhaps you had crazed weazels up your skirt or something. She chats more (for the life of me I can't remember the subject, maybe the weather, the school, I don't know) and she starts tugging at the ankles of her hose. Then she moves up to tug at the knees. Then the thighs. Then she pulls up her skirt to her high thigh and goes up under her skirt and is pulling up there and doing the "adjusting the pantyhose dance" a bit. I thought that was a little ummmm.. unlady-like, but ignored it.
But then as she is still happily chatting away to me, she hikes her skirt up over her waist, which turns it inside out and now she can pull it up to her armpits and hold it there by closing her arms. With her skirt all up in her armpits, she grabs the waistband of her pantyhose and starts pulling them up to her bossoms (as old ladies say) as she starts doing deep knee bends to scooch them up. Ladies, we all know we've done this, but watching someone's Grandma do it in a public restroom is like walking in on your parents having sex, kinda' creepy. Mind you she's still chatting away while doing the deep knee bends and yanking her hose over her gigantic dark colored granny (literally) panties. I should win an award, I kept a straight face the whole time. My 13 year old daughter made believe she was fixing her sandles so her eyes didn't burn from the spectacle.
Grandma soon finishes up and wishes us well and exits. My daughter and I immediately turned to each other with the wide-eyed "what the hell was that?!" look and burst out laughing. After we get done in the bathroom and are walking back into the church, my daughter says "Oh Mom, that's so you in 25 years". And every time I told that story to my other 2 kids or my "Manfriend", they all responded with that same sentence! Hey! I know I'm a little quirky, and don't care what people think, and just make a joke out of everything but I'd like to think I had enough decorum not to yank my skirt over my head in a public restroom while I do calisthenics to adjust the crotch of my pantyhose! Well, as I turn 47 this Monday (6/11), and my girls have had to stop me from walking into Wegmans with a giant ass-sweat stain on my khaki shorts on a scorching day... I guess only time will tell.
Have you ever had any odd public bathroom encounters? Do leave a comment and tell...
Thursday, May 31, 2012
The World Revolves Around the Sun, Not You
Life has ups and downs, highs and lows, it ebbs and flows. Hey, I made a rhyme. Sorry, I'm a little tired, I'm easily amused. Those high points are sure great aren't they? Those low points can be soul crushing, can't they? But, guess what... silver lining alert! Those low points can be very educational and serve a great purpose.
I didn't think I had anything to write today as I am literally spent. I'm all out of mental gas. One daughter had oral surgery at the beginning of last week. Another daughter had major surgery to repair a deformed breastplate last Friday and she just got out of the hospital yesterday. I spent most every spare moment when not working at the hospital and paid about $40 in parking for the week. And my son is graduating high school this weekend, and I had to attend brunches and ceremonies and whatnot somehow this week. My son goes to an all boys school, so they had a Mother/Son brunch, that damn thing made me sob like a baby as he presented me with flowers. Oy, I'm getting verklempt just thinking about it again. (and I'm not even Jewish) And I'm still trying to get the third one back and forth to school and homework done and finish up lacrosse season.
Ok, ok... so anyway. My point is not to say oh woe is me, and act like I have the worst problems in the world... I certainly don't. Just letting you know my mental capacity is diminished because of this load. Oh on top of all that, I had to empty out all my bank accounts to pay my sons $1,000 housing deposit for NYU this week. And I'm doing this all alone. Thanks, ex-husband, wherever you are. It's such a tragedy you are missing all your children's milestones. Oh, and I forgot to mention, I got a letter in the mail yesterday letting me know that after almost 12 years of legal divorce, my annullment was granted. Makes one reflect and creates a certain sense of relief and failure. :(
Oh crap, see I didn't want this to be an unloading of my woes, but maybe that was a bit therapeutic writing that. Ok, so anyway, silver lining, yada yada... here it is. With all this stuff that was going on, I've had some other issues pop up, like some people needing attention or having problems they wanted to talk to me about or family members wanting to educate me on one thing or another, or even my own children bringing up things that just don't need to be handled right now. In the past I would have tried to handle everything, and put on my best crown of thorns and played martyr. But this time, (and it was kind of hard because I am a people pleaser) I just said no. I can only handle so much. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, please understand I don't dislike you, I'm just at capacity at the moment. No Vacancy.
Ya' know, when I was in college, I couldn't stand that God damn plastic doe-eyed Nancy Reagan and her patronizing and trite campaign of "Just Say No". As if complex drug addiction was that easy. Anyway, now I have some respect for her being 90 something and having lived with a spouse with Alzheimer's, that had to be heartbreaking. Anyway, I still don't like it but I adopted the "Just Say No" motto for some things. (I still think it's a dumbass anti-drug slogan)
I had to firmly say, "I can't deal with this now, I will discuss it later". And if that didn't work, I just shut it down. I'm no good to my kids with an anyeurism or nervous breakdown in the hospital. And no one is going to put a damper on me enjoying my son's graduation either by causing drama. He's earned this, and so have I. I paid what wasn't covered by scholarships, I was there when he needed papers proof-read, I was there when that girl broke his heart, I nursed him through sports injuries, I drove him to every damn activity under the sun, I was there at fundraisers and plays and conerts and his sporting events, I took him on all the college visits. So bite me, you're not going to take this away from me. Cue James Brown... Say it loud, I'm a Grad Mom and I'm proud!
Going through tough times has taught me it's ok to say no. It made me realize when there were people in my life that suddenly shut me off (it was usually men that I dated that were going through a divorce), it wasn't personal (I hope), it was they had bigger fish to fry and some chick they went out with a couple of times who started whining about why I can't see them was last on the list to deal with. Hey, it only took me 12 years to learn. It was a two-fold learning experience, 1. It's ok to say no when you're overloaded. and 2. Don't take it personally when someone says no to you. Saying "Thank you, I understand" and giving space will keep that lasting relationship rather than pissing and moaning and trying to force someone to pay attention to you. Don't be so quick to judge, you never know what someone else has going on. It's not always about you or me, sometimes there are just bigger forces at work. Love and kisses, now leave me the hell alone! (just kidding, leave me lots of comments) :)
I didn't think I had anything to write today as I am literally spent. I'm all out of mental gas. One daughter had oral surgery at the beginning of last week. Another daughter had major surgery to repair a deformed breastplate last Friday and she just got out of the hospital yesterday. I spent most every spare moment when not working at the hospital and paid about $40 in parking for the week. And my son is graduating high school this weekend, and I had to attend brunches and ceremonies and whatnot somehow this week. My son goes to an all boys school, so they had a Mother/Son brunch, that damn thing made me sob like a baby as he presented me with flowers. Oy, I'm getting verklempt just thinking about it again. (and I'm not even Jewish) And I'm still trying to get the third one back and forth to school and homework done and finish up lacrosse season.
Ok, ok... so anyway. My point is not to say oh woe is me, and act like I have the worst problems in the world... I certainly don't. Just letting you know my mental capacity is diminished because of this load. Oh on top of all that, I had to empty out all my bank accounts to pay my sons $1,000 housing deposit for NYU this week. And I'm doing this all alone. Thanks, ex-husband, wherever you are. It's such a tragedy you are missing all your children's milestones. Oh, and I forgot to mention, I got a letter in the mail yesterday letting me know that after almost 12 years of legal divorce, my annullment was granted. Makes one reflect and creates a certain sense of relief and failure. :(
Oh crap, see I didn't want this to be an unloading of my woes, but maybe that was a bit therapeutic writing that. Ok, so anyway, silver lining, yada yada... here it is. With all this stuff that was going on, I've had some other issues pop up, like some people needing attention or having problems they wanted to talk to me about or family members wanting to educate me on one thing or another, or even my own children bringing up things that just don't need to be handled right now. In the past I would have tried to handle everything, and put on my best crown of thorns and played martyr. But this time, (and it was kind of hard because I am a people pleaser) I just said no. I can only handle so much. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, please understand I don't dislike you, I'm just at capacity at the moment. No Vacancy.
Ya' know, when I was in college, I couldn't stand that God damn plastic doe-eyed Nancy Reagan and her patronizing and trite campaign of "Just Say No". As if complex drug addiction was that easy. Anyway, now I have some respect for her being 90 something and having lived with a spouse with Alzheimer's, that had to be heartbreaking. Anyway, I still don't like it but I adopted the "Just Say No" motto for some things. (I still think it's a dumbass anti-drug slogan)
I had to firmly say, "I can't deal with this now, I will discuss it later". And if that didn't work, I just shut it down. I'm no good to my kids with an anyeurism or nervous breakdown in the hospital. And no one is going to put a damper on me enjoying my son's graduation either by causing drama. He's earned this, and so have I. I paid what wasn't covered by scholarships, I was there when he needed papers proof-read, I was there when that girl broke his heart, I nursed him through sports injuries, I drove him to every damn activity under the sun, I was there at fundraisers and plays and conerts and his sporting events, I took him on all the college visits. So bite me, you're not going to take this away from me. Cue James Brown... Say it loud, I'm a Grad Mom and I'm proud!
Going through tough times has taught me it's ok to say no. It made me realize when there were people in my life that suddenly shut me off (it was usually men that I dated that were going through a divorce), it wasn't personal (I hope), it was they had bigger fish to fry and some chick they went out with a couple of times who started whining about why I can't see them was last on the list to deal with. Hey, it only took me 12 years to learn. It was a two-fold learning experience, 1. It's ok to say no when you're overloaded. and 2. Don't take it personally when someone says no to you. Saying "Thank you, I understand" and giving space will keep that lasting relationship rather than pissing and moaning and trying to force someone to pay attention to you. Don't be so quick to judge, you never know what someone else has going on. It's not always about you or me, sometimes there are just bigger forces at work. Love and kisses, now leave me the hell alone! (just kidding, leave me lots of comments) :)
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Just Like That Other Chick Across the Bar?
I recently read a blog here -- http://www.rockanddrool.com/ that was an open letter to husbands about looking at other women. Which got that internal dialog going in me, or perhaps it was just voice hallucinations from my psychosis setting in. Either way, whoever was in my head, it was pretty interesting.
According to this blog, apparently I'm not the only woman to have experienced a lifetime of men commenting on other women to a woman supposedly important to them. I have one question:
Why?
Ok, I have more than one question, but that's a good start. No wait, I suppose I should ask this first... is it just me? Show of hands, how many of you ladies out their have experienced a man who you were either dating or had a close relationship with, make a comment to you about another woman? For example, you are walking down the street with your boyfriend and he says, "Wow, she has great legs (or a butt or rack or elbow, whatever)".
Now this isn't a man bashing thing gentleman, I need your input too. I can name you very specific incidentses (that was my tip to RHONJ Teresa Guidice and her ingrediences) as far back as I can remember of men pointing out other women's attributes. The first concrete example I can remember is my Father... yes, my Father, pointing out to me that Mrs. SoandSo had great legs. Ewwww, Dad I don't want to hear that! Was he trying to get me to model myself after her? Was he telling me my legs were fat? Or was he just on his third Rye Presbyterian at the Elk's Club? I just remembered for some reason it bothered me. Maybe I thought it was a betrayal of my Mom or Me (weird Daddy issues here) or just too kinda' "sexual" for a 13 yr old to hear? Probably not a betrayal of my Mom, he was always telling us she had a "nice Caboose" and that all of us girls got the "Madigan Trailer". Ewww.
Ok, let's just move on from that, too creepy, makes me think maybe I need to see my therapist now. Anyway, next we have my high school boyfriend. In hindsight, he was incredibly respectful until the last few months of our relationship. Near the end he was a Senior in HS, I was a Sophomore. He started making crude remarks about women when we were watching TV, like "Oh baby, look at her". Well, maybe not so crude, but he was making it obvious he was starting to look. In retrospect, he was probably getting ready to go to college and telling me, "Hey baby, I'm lookin'", 'cuz that's what happened eventually. Oh well. :(
Then in my adult life, mostly post divorce, I was with (dated) men on several occassions that said things like, "God she has a great ass", "Oh my God, look at the rack on her", "She has really nice legs", "I'd like to bend her over", "That girl over there in the red top, I slept with her". Yup. I've heard it all. Those were all actual comments. Now you may think I have let incredibly crass men into my world. Maybe. But I also know I have the type of personality where people feel comfortable and I tend to end up "one of the guys". That's my fault, I forget to remind men that I need to be treated like a lady. But it's also fun to be "one of the guys" too... to a point. If I start "adjusting myself" give me a smack.
Or perhaps they were just testing to see if I was bi-curious? Yes, men I know this trick, comment on a girl and see if I will take the bait and say, "Oh yes, she is so hot, let's ask her to join us!". Ummmm... no. (If there was a new car for me involved, I'd think about it) Nice try.
Again, not man bashing but I've never done it once in my life and I've never heard another woman do it. I can't imagine saying to my boyfriend, "Oh my God that guy has a great butt". Why would I? I just don't go around checking out guys all the time, and why on Earth would I point it out to my boyfriend, that's just rude? Only reason I can see would be... to be a dick, try and make him jealous. Not my style, not a game player.
So, that's what I want to know... what gives? What the hell is that all about with the pointing out other women? Is it:
A. A subtle hint that you are gaining weight and he wants you to look like "that" broad.
B. A hint that he wants to bang somebody else?
C. A sign that he feels comfortable with your raunchy humor and thinks he can kid with you.
D. A test to see if you will have a threesome.
E. He's just an insensitive ass.
F. A chick-like move to test your feelings for them to see if you get jealous.
It's one thing to say, "That woman has a pretty dress, that would look great on you." HA! Who am I kidding, we all know that doesn't happen. And it's another to be staring at and commenting on a chick with a circus tent in your pants. Are there any men that don't do this? I'd like to know your thoughts, especially you dudes...
According to this blog, apparently I'm not the only woman to have experienced a lifetime of men commenting on other women to a woman supposedly important to them. I have one question:
Why?
Ok, I have more than one question, but that's a good start. No wait, I suppose I should ask this first... is it just me? Show of hands, how many of you ladies out their have experienced a man who you were either dating or had a close relationship with, make a comment to you about another woman? For example, you are walking down the street with your boyfriend and he says, "Wow, she has great legs (or a butt or rack or elbow, whatever)".
Now this isn't a man bashing thing gentleman, I need your input too. I can name you very specific incidentses (that was my tip to RHONJ Teresa Guidice and her ingrediences) as far back as I can remember of men pointing out other women's attributes. The first concrete example I can remember is my Father... yes, my Father, pointing out to me that Mrs. SoandSo had great legs. Ewwww, Dad I don't want to hear that! Was he trying to get me to model myself after her? Was he telling me my legs were fat? Or was he just on his third Rye Presbyterian at the Elk's Club? I just remembered for some reason it bothered me. Maybe I thought it was a betrayal of my Mom or Me (weird Daddy issues here) or just too kinda' "sexual" for a 13 yr old to hear? Probably not a betrayal of my Mom, he was always telling us she had a "nice Caboose" and that all of us girls got the "Madigan Trailer". Ewww.
Ok, let's just move on from that, too creepy, makes me think maybe I need to see my therapist now. Anyway, next we have my high school boyfriend. In hindsight, he was incredibly respectful until the last few months of our relationship. Near the end he was a Senior in HS, I was a Sophomore. He started making crude remarks about women when we were watching TV, like "Oh baby, look at her". Well, maybe not so crude, but he was making it obvious he was starting to look. In retrospect, he was probably getting ready to go to college and telling me, "Hey baby, I'm lookin'", 'cuz that's what happened eventually. Oh well. :(
Then in my adult life, mostly post divorce, I was with (dated) men on several occassions that said things like, "God she has a great ass", "Oh my God, look at the rack on her", "She has really nice legs", "I'd like to bend her over", "That girl over there in the red top, I slept with her". Yup. I've heard it all. Those were all actual comments. Now you may think I have let incredibly crass men into my world. Maybe. But I also know I have the type of personality where people feel comfortable and I tend to end up "one of the guys". That's my fault, I forget to remind men that I need to be treated like a lady. But it's also fun to be "one of the guys" too... to a point. If I start "adjusting myself" give me a smack.
Or perhaps they were just testing to see if I was bi-curious? Yes, men I know this trick, comment on a girl and see if I will take the bait and say, "Oh yes, she is so hot, let's ask her to join us!". Ummmm... no. (If there was a new car for me involved, I'd think about it) Nice try.
Again, not man bashing but I've never done it once in my life and I've never heard another woman do it. I can't imagine saying to my boyfriend, "Oh my God that guy has a great butt". Why would I? I just don't go around checking out guys all the time, and why on Earth would I point it out to my boyfriend, that's just rude? Only reason I can see would be... to be a dick, try and make him jealous. Not my style, not a game player.
So, that's what I want to know... what gives? What the hell is that all about with the pointing out other women? Is it:
A. A subtle hint that you are gaining weight and he wants you to look like "that" broad.
B. A hint that he wants to bang somebody else?
C. A sign that he feels comfortable with your raunchy humor and thinks he can kid with you.
D. A test to see if you will have a threesome.
E. He's just an insensitive ass.
F. A chick-like move to test your feelings for them to see if you get jealous.
It's one thing to say, "That woman has a pretty dress, that would look great on you." HA! Who am I kidding, we all know that doesn't happen. And it's another to be staring at and commenting on a chick with a circus tent in your pants. Are there any men that don't do this? I'd like to know your thoughts, especially you dudes...
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Idiot Parents and Psycho Kids, Does Not a Good Family Make
Be prepared for controversy today. I know some of you may have strong opinions on this one, but hear me out...
I was listening to a really crappy morning radio show the other day during the daily kid shuttle, only because every other station was on commercial break. I was also curious as to what was so great about this morning crew of which people raved. The answer was: nothing. But I can now give an educated opinion that they suck. I digress. They were talking about a guy who had been shot in the city in front of some kids, which lead to why were the kids out with no supervision anyway? (which I didn't see how that had anything to do with the murder, the guy was down the street and someone shot him) So the clueless hosts started to rant about the lack of good parenting in urban homes. Oy, why not just pull out some racial slurs while you're at it? So the insipid male host went into full on rant mode emphatically stating that all children would be best raised by 2 parents. That would be a Mom and a Dad.
*Ahem*
He ranted on and on that there would be less crime if there were two parents and more supervision in the home. Let me just point out one small detail that Insipid Host Guy missed - if said supervision is a moron, it won't necessarily produce better behaved offspring.
Let me present a few different scenarios. Now, this isn't a big ole pro-gay parenting rant, don't get your pre-conceived panties in a bunch, I'm just pro-good parenting... just let me present these facts....
* Lyle and Erik Menendez were raised by two wealthy suburban married hetero parents. (For those too young for the reference, these fine boys were convicted of murdering their parents in 1989)
* I have 3 children and they have a lot of friends and know who does what at school. Most of the kids that are perpetually in trouble at school come from two parent hetereo homes.
* My older daughter has a classmate who is a boy raised by two moms. He's 15, star athlete, A student, well mannered, very masculine and dates girls. I guess the gay agenda to raise a new generation of all gay, all the time failed there, huh?
* I know some single hetero moms that are raising kids that haved dropped out of high school and are doing nothing but smoking pot and playing video games. (the kid, not the mom)
* I know two parent hetero homes that have perfectly nice, smart children, but wouldn't know how to withstand a crisis or make a decision if their life depended on it.
* George Washington, first president, Founding Father, highly revered symbol of this country... was raised by a single mother. (his Father died when he was 11)
* Oprah Winfrey, the most successful and wealthiest female media mogul ever, was raised by several different people. First by her single teen Mother, then her Mother and Grandmother, then just her Grandmother, then by the man she thought was her biological Father, then she ran away from home for a while, then moved back with Mom.
* I know a local kid who was raised by two Moms (one Mom was biological via sperm donor), but by junior high the Moms seperated. Both Moms are attorneys. So then that made him a child of gay divorced parents, living between two homes. He was a nice smart kid when he was little, now he's a slacker pothead hanging around with the kind of dirtbag crowd, who I'm not sure is even going to college.
* A friend had a child with her first husband, he ran off and later she remarried. The child has been raised by Step-Dad as if it was his own. The child is well mannered, successful college graduate living in NYC.
* Shania Twain, a perfectly nice successful country singer was physically abused by her Step-Father.
* President Bill Clinton was first raised by two parents, then Father died so it became a single parent home, then mother remarried and he was beaten up often by his Step-Father. Although his treatment of females is questionable, he did become POTUS.
*Charles Manson was born to an unwed 16 year old runaway sometimes prostitute who kept trying to pawn him off to orphanages, relatives or other random people, having once traded him to a childless waitress for a pitcher of beer. And we all know what happened to him...
* Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold who committed the Columbine High School Massacre in 1999 were both raised in suburban hetero two parent homes.
* And finally... me. I have 3 children, got divorced when they were all under 7. Later Dad disappeared completely, and left us destitute. I didn't have any romantic relationships the first 9 years of being divorced. I work full time but still qualify for food and medical aid. My oldest is graduating from a top all boys prep school and going to NYU next year. My girls are both A students, good athletes, well mannered and go to a good all girls school.
My point? Not sure, I started off thinking good parenting was the key, but some of my scenarios have proven otherwise. There is no perfect formula for raising non-troubled children. I'm not married but I'd say my kids are pretty good so far, but should I run out and get married just because Bristol Palin said my kids should have a Mom and Dad? Which we all know is idiotic because she was an unwed teen mom who pushed her baby-daddy out of the picture. WTF?
And that whole sanctity of marriage thing? With people choosing purposely to have babies out of wedlock, the divorce rate for first marriages is (approx.) 50%, second marriages 67%, and third marriages 75%, I'd say that sanctity was shot to hell along time ago.
At first I thought the only thing to ensure decent kids is to not be an idiot, but I've seen offspring of idiots turn out well. And I've seen children of nice people become deeply troubled. However, I still don't recommend being an idiot parent like, oh say, the "Tan Mom" Patricia Krentcil. But who knows her kids could turn out to be rocket scientists. Not likely, but ya' never know.
Well hell, now I'm more confused than when I started this blog. Is parenting just luck or chance? Nah. Um... maybe? However I'd say it's safer to be a good parent than not. All I know is that there is no magic formula like some would have you believe of having a two parent hetero home. I am certain that the family dynamic does not pre-determine the success of the child. Neither terrible parenting nor problematic children are exclusive of any one race, socio-economic group, sexual orientation, or living situation. So... good luck with that.
Let me know what you think, is there a formula for parenting?
I was listening to a really crappy morning radio show the other day during the daily kid shuttle, only because every other station was on commercial break. I was also curious as to what was so great about this morning crew of which people raved. The answer was: nothing. But I can now give an educated opinion that they suck. I digress. They were talking about a guy who had been shot in the city in front of some kids, which lead to why were the kids out with no supervision anyway? (which I didn't see how that had anything to do with the murder, the guy was down the street and someone shot him) So the clueless hosts started to rant about the lack of good parenting in urban homes. Oy, why not just pull out some racial slurs while you're at it? So the insipid male host went into full on rant mode emphatically stating that all children would be best raised by 2 parents. That would be a Mom and a Dad.
*Ahem*
He ranted on and on that there would be less crime if there were two parents and more supervision in the home. Let me just point out one small detail that Insipid Host Guy missed - if said supervision is a moron, it won't necessarily produce better behaved offspring.
Let me present a few different scenarios. Now, this isn't a big ole pro-gay parenting rant, don't get your pre-conceived panties in a bunch, I'm just pro-good parenting... just let me present these facts....
* Lyle and Erik Menendez were raised by two wealthy suburban married hetero parents. (For those too young for the reference, these fine boys were convicted of murdering their parents in 1989)
* I have 3 children and they have a lot of friends and know who does what at school. Most of the kids that are perpetually in trouble at school come from two parent hetereo homes.
* My older daughter has a classmate who is a boy raised by two moms. He's 15, star athlete, A student, well mannered, very masculine and dates girls. I guess the gay agenda to raise a new generation of all gay, all the time failed there, huh?
* I know some single hetero moms that are raising kids that haved dropped out of high school and are doing nothing but smoking pot and playing video games. (the kid, not the mom)
* I know two parent hetero homes that have perfectly nice, smart children, but wouldn't know how to withstand a crisis or make a decision if their life depended on it.
* George Washington, first president, Founding Father, highly revered symbol of this country... was raised by a single mother. (his Father died when he was 11)
* Oprah Winfrey, the most successful and wealthiest female media mogul ever, was raised by several different people. First by her single teen Mother, then her Mother and Grandmother, then just her Grandmother, then by the man she thought was her biological Father, then she ran away from home for a while, then moved back with Mom.
* I know a local kid who was raised by two Moms (one Mom was biological via sperm donor), but by junior high the Moms seperated. Both Moms are attorneys. So then that made him a child of gay divorced parents, living between two homes. He was a nice smart kid when he was little, now he's a slacker pothead hanging around with the kind of dirtbag crowd, who I'm not sure is even going to college.
* A friend had a child with her first husband, he ran off and later she remarried. The child has been raised by Step-Dad as if it was his own. The child is well mannered, successful college graduate living in NYC.
* Shania Twain, a perfectly nice successful country singer was physically abused by her Step-Father.
* President Bill Clinton was first raised by two parents, then Father died so it became a single parent home, then mother remarried and he was beaten up often by his Step-Father. Although his treatment of females is questionable, he did become POTUS.
*Charles Manson was born to an unwed 16 year old runaway sometimes prostitute who kept trying to pawn him off to orphanages, relatives or other random people, having once traded him to a childless waitress for a pitcher of beer. And we all know what happened to him...
* Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold who committed the Columbine High School Massacre in 1999 were both raised in suburban hetero two parent homes.
* And finally... me. I have 3 children, got divorced when they were all under 7. Later Dad disappeared completely, and left us destitute. I didn't have any romantic relationships the first 9 years of being divorced. I work full time but still qualify for food and medical aid. My oldest is graduating from a top all boys prep school and going to NYU next year. My girls are both A students, good athletes, well mannered and go to a good all girls school.
My point? Not sure, I started off thinking good parenting was the key, but some of my scenarios have proven otherwise. There is no perfect formula for raising non-troubled children. I'm not married but I'd say my kids are pretty good so far, but should I run out and get married just because Bristol Palin said my kids should have a Mom and Dad? Which we all know is idiotic because she was an unwed teen mom who pushed her baby-daddy out of the picture. WTF?
And that whole sanctity of marriage thing? With people choosing purposely to have babies out of wedlock, the divorce rate for first marriages is (approx.) 50%, second marriages 67%, and third marriages 75%, I'd say that sanctity was shot to hell along time ago.
At first I thought the only thing to ensure decent kids is to not be an idiot, but I've seen offspring of idiots turn out well. And I've seen children of nice people become deeply troubled. However, I still don't recommend being an idiot parent like, oh say, the "Tan Mom" Patricia Krentcil. But who knows her kids could turn out to be rocket scientists. Not likely, but ya' never know.
Well hell, now I'm more confused than when I started this blog. Is parenting just luck or chance? Nah. Um... maybe? However I'd say it's safer to be a good parent than not. All I know is that there is no magic formula like some would have you believe of having a two parent hetero home. I am certain that the family dynamic does not pre-determine the success of the child. Neither terrible parenting nor problematic children are exclusive of any one race, socio-economic group, sexual orientation, or living situation. So... good luck with that.
Let me know what you think, is there a formula for parenting?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)