Life has ups and downs, highs and lows, it ebbs and flows. Hey, I made a rhyme. Sorry, I'm a little tired, I'm easily amused. Those high points are sure great aren't they? Those low points can be soul crushing, can't they? But, guess what... silver lining alert! Those low points can be very educational and serve a great purpose.
I didn't think I had anything to write today as I am literally spent. I'm all out of mental gas. One daughter had oral surgery at the beginning of last week. Another daughter had major surgery to repair a deformed breastplate last Friday and she just got out of the hospital yesterday. I spent most every spare moment when not working at the hospital and paid about $40 in parking for the week. And my son is graduating high school this weekend, and I had to attend brunches and ceremonies and whatnot somehow this week. My son goes to an all boys school, so they had a Mother/Son brunch, that damn thing made me sob like a baby as he presented me with flowers. Oy, I'm getting verklempt just thinking about it again. (and I'm not even Jewish) And I'm still trying to get the third one back and forth to school and homework done and finish up lacrosse season.
Ok, ok... so anyway. My point is not to say oh woe is me, and act like I have the worst problems in the world... I certainly don't. Just letting you know my mental capacity is diminished because of this load. Oh on top of all that, I had to empty out all my bank accounts to pay my sons $1,000 housing deposit for NYU this week. And I'm doing this all alone. Thanks, ex-husband, wherever you are. It's such a tragedy you are missing all your children's milestones. Oh, and I forgot to mention, I got a letter in the mail yesterday letting me know that after almost 12 years of legal divorce, my annullment was granted. Makes one reflect and creates a certain sense of relief and failure. :(
Oh crap, see I didn't want this to be an unloading of my woes, but maybe that was a bit therapeutic writing that. Ok, so anyway, silver lining, yada yada... here it is. With all this stuff that was going on, I've had some other issues pop up, like some people needing attention or having problems they wanted to talk to me about or family members wanting to educate me on one thing or another, or even my own children bringing up things that just don't need to be handled right now. In the past I would have tried to handle everything, and put on my best crown of thorns and played martyr. But this time, (and it was kind of hard because I am a people pleaser) I just said no. I can only handle so much. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, please understand I don't dislike you, I'm just at capacity at the moment. No Vacancy.
Ya' know, when I was in college, I couldn't stand that God damn plastic doe-eyed Nancy Reagan and her patronizing and trite campaign of "Just Say No". As if complex drug addiction was that easy. Anyway, now I have some respect for her being 90 something and having lived with a spouse with Alzheimer's, that had to be heartbreaking. Anyway, I still don't like it but I adopted the "Just Say No" motto for some things. (I still think it's a dumbass anti-drug slogan)
I had to firmly say, "I can't deal with this now, I will discuss it later". And if that didn't work, I just shut it down. I'm no good to my kids with an anyeurism or nervous breakdown in the hospital. And no one is going to put a damper on me enjoying my son's graduation either by causing drama. He's earned this, and so have I. I paid what wasn't covered by scholarships, I was there when he needed papers proof-read, I was there when that girl broke his heart, I nursed him through sports injuries, I drove him to every damn activity under the sun, I was there at fundraisers and plays and conerts and his sporting events, I took him on all the college visits. So bite me, you're not going to take this away from me. Cue James Brown... Say it loud, I'm a Grad Mom and I'm proud!
Going through tough times has taught me it's ok to say no. It made me realize when there were people in my life that suddenly shut me off (it was usually men that I dated that were going through a divorce), it wasn't personal (I hope), it was they had bigger fish to fry and some chick they went out with a couple of times who started whining about why I can't see them was last on the list to deal with. Hey, it only took me 12 years to learn. It was a two-fold learning experience, 1. It's ok to say no when you're overloaded. and 2. Don't take it personally when someone says no to you. Saying "Thank you, I understand" and giving space will keep that lasting relationship rather than pissing and moaning and trying to force someone to pay attention to you. Don't be so quick to judge, you never know what someone else has going on. It's not always about you or me, sometimes there are just bigger forces at work. Love and kisses, now leave me the hell alone! (just kidding, leave me lots of comments) :)
Showing posts with label drama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label drama. Show all posts
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
"Stop Screaming at Me You Cow!", Is What I Really Wanted to Say.
I see how you are, you naughty cheeky monkeys... my Steve Nash scandalous blog readership went through the roof. See, you can't lie, people love drama and gossip and intrigue. You know you do.
You know that old chestnut... the one person that always announces loudest that they "hate drama" is always the instigator of said drama. This person is usually capable of producing the most elaborate Greek Tragedy ever. Or as I like to call it, the "Sh*t Stirrer". I have to say it usually is true, that's why I only say it sometimes, quietly.
I'll admit I love me some good gossip. However there is a difference between just listening or reading (thanks to Facebook and Twitter) to some good drama, and participating in it. I don't think there are many times in my life when I really got involved in perpetuating or starting drama. There have certainly been times where I amplified my own issues and created more drama in my head than I needed to, but I never got involved in anyone else's.
Oh wait, I remember one time about oh maybe 6 or 7 years ago, I got in a war of words on a blog with someone on Myspace. Yes, laugh if you must. We were all on there at one time, don't pretend you are too cool. It was the in thing to do then. So I couldn't even tell you what the argument was about but it was like banging my head against the wall because it was with a woman with histrionic personality disorder. Believe it or not I'm an incredibly rational person and when I debate with someone who is just off their rocker, it frustrates the hell out of me. I learned when to say when.
That's why I get so frustrated when I click on a TV show sometimes and it's just perpetual bickering about nothing. Some of these shows, that's all that goes on, they show one group talking, then they show another group talking where someone told them everything the other group says. Then somebody from that group has to confront someone from the other group, then the remainders have to have a meeting about those other two people's confrontation. Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Whatever happened to just rolling your eyes at something you hear? Hell I've had people in my life say to me, "So and so thinks you're annoying". Did I go stomping out trying to hunt that person down and beat the living snot out of them? No! I just rolled my eyes, and shrugged. To each his own. Not everyone is everyone's cup of low fat chai latte.
If by some chance it was a little touchier subject, like someone was going around spreading lies about me, I calmly went and talked to the person. Hell, I even did that to the woman I found out was having an affair with my then husband! I also had an old neighbor come to my house once and accuse me of having an affair with her husband. I was so shocked I tried not to laugh. I couldn't pick her husband out of a police line up, I didn't even know his name. But I've been there when you think your husband is up to something, I tried to be nice. But actually after she left I kinda' felt like punchin' her in the throat for accusing me of such a thing. I don't mess with OPP.
I have a little tip for ya'... it throws people off when you approach them calmly and ask questions. You come at someone yelling and accusing, their just gonna' yell back, then they have a reason to be nasty to you. You come at them calmly and civil, they get all flustered. Seriously, try it.
I'm sorry I've become boring in my old age, and don't like a good scrap. Maybe I'll dig up some more scandal from my past to satiate your drama-lust. But seriously, I get tired of hearing chickens squawk or people going at it like rabid chihuahuas. Really, you just sound stupid. Ever listen to the Mob Wives yell over each other? I rest my case. My advice is adopt the eye roll. When people start saying bad things or gossiping, just roll your eyes and shrug. Like water off a duck's back. ...Or if it's about someone else, laugh then keep it to yourself. :)
Oh and hey, visit my new Facebook page for my blog, thanks! http://www.facebook.com/MadgesAdultSurvivalGuide
You know that old chestnut... the one person that always announces loudest that they "hate drama" is always the instigator of said drama. This person is usually capable of producing the most elaborate Greek Tragedy ever. Or as I like to call it, the "Sh*t Stirrer". I have to say it usually is true, that's why I only say it sometimes, quietly.
I'll admit I love me some good gossip. However there is a difference between just listening or reading (thanks to Facebook and Twitter) to some good drama, and participating in it. I don't think there are many times in my life when I really got involved in perpetuating or starting drama. There have certainly been times where I amplified my own issues and created more drama in my head than I needed to, but I never got involved in anyone else's.
Oh wait, I remember one time about oh maybe 6 or 7 years ago, I got in a war of words on a blog with someone on Myspace. Yes, laugh if you must. We were all on there at one time, don't pretend you are too cool. It was the in thing to do then. So I couldn't even tell you what the argument was about but it was like banging my head against the wall because it was with a woman with histrionic personality disorder. Believe it or not I'm an incredibly rational person and when I debate with someone who is just off their rocker, it frustrates the hell out of me. I learned when to say when.
That's why I get so frustrated when I click on a TV show sometimes and it's just perpetual bickering about nothing. Some of these shows, that's all that goes on, they show one group talking, then they show another group talking where someone told them everything the other group says. Then somebody from that group has to confront someone from the other group, then the remainders have to have a meeting about those other two people's confrontation. Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Whatever happened to just rolling your eyes at something you hear? Hell I've had people in my life say to me, "So and so thinks you're annoying". Did I go stomping out trying to hunt that person down and beat the living snot out of them? No! I just rolled my eyes, and shrugged. To each his own. Not everyone is everyone's cup of low fat chai latte.
If by some chance it was a little touchier subject, like someone was going around spreading lies about me, I calmly went and talked to the person. Hell, I even did that to the woman I found out was having an affair with my then husband! I also had an old neighbor come to my house once and accuse me of having an affair with her husband. I was so shocked I tried not to laugh. I couldn't pick her husband out of a police line up, I didn't even know his name. But I've been there when you think your husband is up to something, I tried to be nice. But actually after she left I kinda' felt like punchin' her in the throat for accusing me of such a thing. I don't mess with OPP.
I have a little tip for ya'... it throws people off when you approach them calmly and ask questions. You come at someone yelling and accusing, their just gonna' yell back, then they have a reason to be nasty to you. You come at them calmly and civil, they get all flustered. Seriously, try it.
I'm sorry I've become boring in my old age, and don't like a good scrap. Maybe I'll dig up some more scandal from my past to satiate your drama-lust. But seriously, I get tired of hearing chickens squawk or people going at it like rabid chihuahuas. Really, you just sound stupid. Ever listen to the Mob Wives yell over each other? I rest my case. My advice is adopt the eye roll. When people start saying bad things or gossiping, just roll your eyes and shrug. Like water off a duck's back. ...Or if it's about someone else, laugh then keep it to yourself. :)
Oh and hey, visit my new Facebook page for my blog, thanks! http://www.facebook.com/MadgesAdultSurvivalGuide
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