I recently read a blog here -- http://www.rockanddrool.com/ that was an open letter to husbands about looking at other women. Which got that internal dialog going in me, or perhaps it was just voice hallucinations from my psychosis setting in. Either way, whoever was in my head, it was pretty interesting.
According to this blog, apparently I'm not the only woman to have experienced a lifetime of men commenting on other women to a woman supposedly important to them. I have one question:
Why?
Ok, I have more than one question, but that's a good start. No wait, I suppose I should ask this first... is it just me? Show of hands, how many of you ladies out their have experienced a man who you were either dating or had a close relationship with, make a comment to you about another woman? For example, you are walking down the street with your boyfriend and he says, "Wow, she has great legs (or a butt or rack or elbow, whatever)".
Now this isn't a man bashing thing gentleman, I need your input too. I can name you very specific incidentses (that was my tip to RHONJ Teresa Guidice and her ingrediences) as far back as I can remember of men pointing out other women's attributes. The first concrete example I can remember is my Father... yes, my Father, pointing out to me that Mrs. SoandSo had great legs. Ewwww, Dad I don't want to hear that! Was he trying to get me to model myself after her? Was he telling me my legs were fat? Or was he just on his third Rye Presbyterian at the Elk's Club? I just remembered for some reason it bothered me. Maybe I thought it was a betrayal of my Mom or Me (weird Daddy issues here) or just too kinda' "sexual" for a 13 yr old to hear? Probably not a betrayal of my Mom, he was always telling us she had a "nice Caboose" and that all of us girls got the "Madigan Trailer". Ewww.
Ok, let's just move on from that, too creepy, makes me think maybe I need to see my therapist now. Anyway, next we have my high school boyfriend. In hindsight, he was incredibly respectful until the last few months of our relationship. Near the end he was a Senior in HS, I was a Sophomore. He started making crude remarks about women when we were watching TV, like "Oh baby, look at her". Well, maybe not so crude, but he was making it obvious he was starting to look. In retrospect, he was probably getting ready to go to college and telling me, "Hey baby, I'm lookin'", 'cuz that's what happened eventually. Oh well. :(
Then in my adult life, mostly post divorce, I was with (dated) men on several occassions that said things like, "God she has a great ass", "Oh my God, look at the rack on her", "She has really nice legs", "I'd like to bend her over", "That girl over there in the red top, I slept with her". Yup. I've heard it all. Those were all actual comments. Now you may think I have let incredibly crass men into my world. Maybe. But I also know I have the type of personality where people feel comfortable and I tend to end up "one of the guys". That's my fault, I forget to remind men that I need to be treated like a lady. But it's also fun to be "one of the guys" too... to a point. If I start "adjusting myself" give me a smack.
Or perhaps they were just testing to see if I was bi-curious? Yes, men I know this trick, comment on a girl and see if I will take the bait and say, "Oh yes, she is so hot, let's ask her to join us!". Ummmm... no. (If there was a new car for me involved, I'd think about it) Nice try.
Again, not man bashing but I've never done it once in my life and I've never heard another woman do it. I can't imagine saying to my boyfriend, "Oh my God that guy has a great butt". Why would I? I just don't go around checking out guys all the time, and why on Earth would I point it out to my boyfriend, that's just rude? Only reason I can see would be... to be a dick, try and make him jealous. Not my style, not a game player.
So, that's what I want to know... what gives? What the hell is that all about with the pointing out other women? Is it:
A. A subtle hint that you are gaining weight and he wants you to look like "that" broad.
B. A hint that he wants to bang somebody else?
C. A sign that he feels comfortable with your raunchy humor and thinks he can kid with you.
D. A test to see if you will have a threesome.
E. He's just an insensitive ass.
F. A chick-like move to test your feelings for them to see if you get jealous.
It's one thing to say, "That woman has a pretty dress, that would look great on you." HA! Who am I kidding, we all know that doesn't happen. And it's another to be staring at and commenting on a chick with a circus tent in your pants. Are there any men that don't do this? I'd like to know your thoughts, especially you dudes...