Thursday, July 26, 2012

When Unrequited Love Becomes Requited Crap

All of us have some unrequited love goin' on.  Oh, balogna (that's such a dumb word, it should be baloni or baloney, but I guess it's like how capacola became "gobbagool", anyway...), you all have that one person you say, "what if?" about. 

Oh yea, the levels of intensity of the "love" vary.  It can be anything from the kid that used to mow your parents lawn that you never said two words to or it could be someone you dated a bit and the relationship got cut short for whatever reason.  It could be you thought your lover drank the poison but they were only sleeping, so you killed yourself.  Oh wait, you wouldn't be reading this then...

I've had many of these in my life.  Hey, I had a lot of crushes as a little girl, I'm not a ho.  There were a few boys from high school that I would have liked to date but couldn't because I had a steady boyfriend.  So, there's that.  Then I had the steady boyfriend that fizzled out when he went to college and I moved away.  In the early 80s there weren't cell phones, or Skype, or IMing to keep you together.  But I'm always curious to know how that relationship would have played out in our adult lives.

To requite or not to requite, that is the question!  I'm here to tell you... I've requited.  Yes, yes it's true.  Thanks to the internet, after my divorce I got down to brass tacks, went back to basics, put the cart before the horse... wait what?  Uh whatever, I ran across some blasts from the past.

There was the internet thing but a couple of times it revolved around high school reunions.  I'm telling you folks, you need to go to these things.  It's excellent for networking and dating.  So you had a bad time in high school?  Get over it, walk in with your head held high, and use those people for getting ahead in your world now!  Anyway, one of my run-ins was with a boy who was my "boyfriend" in 5th grade.  I broke up with him because he tried to give me a Minnie Mouse ring, and I knew if I came home with it my parents would ask where it came from, then they would know I had a "boyfriend", I would get an hour long lecture/screaming at  and my 11 year old self would never be let out of the house again until I was sent to the convent. 

Flash forward, I ran into that "boy" later in life and we eventually got together and had an amazingly awesome time.  But... it didn't get into a serious thing because we were geographically several states apart, I just got divorced, still had little kids, and he was still a raging never been married playboy.  lol  I took it at face value, I'm glad it happened.  And now he's married and kicking himself.  :)

However I had a couple others (Stop calling me a whore! These have taken place over 12 years!), that it, well it just was less than stellar.  That kiss you had waited 30 years for was like... "oh, that's it, that's what I waited for?".  Or that happy go lucky boy you had the crush on is now a neurotic mess and is starting to stalk you.  Um, yea.  I won't go into specifics but it just wasn't good, but overall I'm glad it happened.  Now I know.  I still have the fond memories of the younger crush but don't have the pangs of want.  Know what I mean?

Those were kind of fun but the ones that are more intense are the unrequited adult loves.  Oh, they can be so difficult...  Or not.  A difficult one was deciding to move back East when something was never totally finished out West.  The "or nots" can be disappointing or funny.  I remember running into a guy years later after I had gone on a date with him post divorce.  I thought he looked great.  We went out again in those later years and... I remembered exactly why I didn't want to go out with him again years before.  He was nice but very self-impressed with the personality of a bag of wet hair.  Another one, we never got intimate but had obvious sexual chemistry.  Years later we got intimate and it was what I imagine sex with a quadrapalegic with Tourette's Syndrome would be like.   Yes, that bad.  *heavy sigh*

But I had some others I haven't revisited and still wonder what if?  What if we both hadn't been just divorced and both been messes?  What if we didn't always run into each other when we were dating someone else?  What if your previous girlfriend hadn't found out she was pregnant by you?  (yea that happened)

I don't know.  I do like knowing the ending to the story.  I'm not a big fan of not knowing.  It's my anxiety.  I never could go to sleep on Christmas Eve.  Others will say not knowing is part of the fun, the fantasy.  That's why some people you meet online play games with you, they have no intention of meeting, they just like the fantasy of the hunt.  Weirdos.  I'm not kidding, those people exist.  What about you?

BTW, sometimes it will appear your comment has "vanished" after you hit submit, but it doesn't it takes you to the sign-in page, sign in (or register), then your comment will appear again and you just have to press submit again, the comment will show up with whatever identity you chose.  Thanks!

Share your requited love stories with me!


  1. What a timely post for me. I've had crushes my entire life. In my younger days there were many that I would never meet (celebrities...teen idols...that sort of thing) but then there were those that I pined for secretly but nothing ever happened. I can only think of one that I have ever had a "what if" feeling about because for the most part, I always managed to experience a little of the requited part with each one of my major crushes over time (some were good experiences, others not so much...most comical). My "what if" was a great looking guy with an amazing speaking voice in college that was in a few of my classes but I never spoke to him outside of class very much but he made my knees weak whenever I would see him. He was involved in campus politics and made that his career. So anytime he crossed my mind I could look him up. Recently I looked him up and found out that now he's really infamous! He served as a Supervisor in San Francisco and then was elected Sheriff. He was, however, suspended when he was charged with domestic abuse and child endangerment after a fight with his Venezuelan actress (much younger?) wife was reported to the police. All kinds of drama there! You can look him up if you want!
    I guess he can be checked OFF the "what if" list now!
    In other news, my latest crush (of about the last 3 years) and I have been dating for a few months now. It's fabulous but I keep it really private. We'll see...

  2. Oh my, looked him up, yea um cross that off. lol And I'm so excited for you and you're latest. Fingers crossed! :)

  3. I came across one of my old crushes and thought, 'Jesus.' Ran a mile. Some things are best left as a memory.

  4. You talk about unrequited love like there's supposed to be another kind!

    Wait. Is there?

  5. I had one back in college....she was an outspoken redhead too. Wonder what ever happend to her???

    1. I don't know, why don't you look her up and tell her? :)

    2. Im not sure she would want to hear from someone from that far in her past. Its been around 25 years. Would you want to be contacted by your past loves?

    3. Sure I would. I don't care. I love running into people from my past. And if a past love wanted to talk to me, I'd listen. There is only one person I know of in my past that I would never want to speak to again, it's someone I dated briefly 10 years ago that became a stalker. However, if he were to send me an email to say he was a nutjob then and he's sorry, I would say thank you and be done with it. Otherwise I don't care.

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