I've seen so many Facebook and Twitter posts lately that state how stressed out people are with the holidays. I was about to call the suicide prevention hotline for one woman, she seemed so on edge. I also saw another post that was so smug about how far ahead she was of the game with all her shopping and wrapping, I wanted to throw a shoe at her.
For the record, I would just like to state...
IT'S NOT A COMPETITION, PEOPLE! IT'S JUST CHRISTMAS!
Notice, I didn't say holidays? I just said Christmas. Ya' know why? Because I've never heard any of my Jewish friends stress out about Hannukah! Ok, I've only heard one Jewish friend complain but it was just mostly about having to get on a plane to see her older parents who like to eat the early bird at Howard Johnson's. Which, is usually purely for comedic value. However, she never complained about buying presents and decorating. Jewish folks make it simple, no tree, no decorations, one simple light fixture, eight days of presents so in case you forget something the first few nights... no pressure.
Kwanzaa, I admit I hardly know anything about and I don't know anyone personally who celebrates it. And most things I've read about it, anyone who does celebrate it, they celebrate Christmas too, it's not like it's an exclusive thing. I also believe it focuses on virtues and stuff like that, so again the principal is not about sweating stocking stuffers.
So, in the spirit of this being an adult survival guide, my advice to you is... chillax. What gets done, will get done. No one will notice that you forgot to put out your Wayne Newton dressed as Santa statuette. No one will notice that you only made a batch of sugar cookies and not peanut butter cookies. The kids won't care if you wrapped their stocking stuffers or didn't wrap their stocking stuffers. Just try to enjoy the spirit of Christmas, family and friends. (yes, even if you hate your family)
And you might even say, "What about the kids? It's important for the kids." Guess what? The kids will get over it. I believe you might be teaching your kids a far more valuable lesson in life if they don't get everything they want this year. I kid you not, there were years my kids got construction paper or earrings or mittens from the Dollar Store. I cried and cried. Yes, I feel terrible that I can't give my children everything I want, but my children have learned that life isn't fair and to be thankful for what they do get. I'd like to think I won't be raising a bunch of spoiled ingrates. Oh believe me many times in my heart I wish I could raise spoiled ingrates just so they have nice things, but I realize the life lesson is ok too, and will last a lifetime, unlike an iPod.
Hey, didn't that Christmas angel say, "Peace on Earth, Good Will Toward Men"? THAT's what it's about! Please everyone, spread peace and good will to others, and accept peace yourself. That's really the key, peace within yourself, and it's uncanny how it spreads to others. Take a deep breath and relish the simple joys. And remember, you will not be put to death by lethal injection if the silverware isn't polished or the stuffing is dry. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Festivus, Happy Kwanzaa to all and to all a good night! Peace!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Let the New Blog and Life Begin...
So, I'm on a mission. I think I've figured this out. The last couple of years I have been floundering with this blog. Wondering how to still be funny but with less raunch, more purpose. I have been trying to decide which direction to take, what focus I'd like to have. In essence I've been wanting to re-brand myself.
My Myspace blog years ago, to which I had a rather large following, (over 800 followers) was focused mostly on my dating and parenting life post divorce. That was pretty easy since I hadn't been in a relationship for years. But really, how long can you write about that? It gets old after a while. Besides, my kids are teens now, I don't want them reading my dating exploits, and I'm sure it would be a major creep factor for them.
Think, think, think. What else do I know about? Well, it kind of hit me today... I know about survival. For those of you who know me, know that I have had quite a struggle over the past eleven years, well ok 20 years. For those of you who don't, here's a not entirely brief synopsis:
I thought I married a really nice, well educated, successful engineer and ex Div. I hockey player. But in 2000, I got out of a marriage to an eventual verbally abusive, alcoholic man, who had an affair on me while I was pregnant with our third child. Well back up a little, after a job transfer moved us from NY to Denver in 2000, where I didn't know a soul and had three children ages 6, 3, and 14 months. we divorced and he quickly moves in with the girl he had an affair with. He buys them a home and starts spending all his money on them. I'm stuck to find whatever rental I can afford. I had to keep finding jobs where I could take care of my children 90% of the time because he always traveled with his job. I had been a stay at home mom for 5 years, I could only get crap jobs, I was in radio and TV before that. I kept having to quit before I got fired because I'd have childcare problems. In 2004 he moved back East, leaving me in Denver to raise them alone, making monthly visits, which towards the end were cut short with kids calling me crying.
I was a realtor at the time and the bust hit Denver in 2006. I could no longer afford to live there and I was losing my mind raising the children alone. So I moved back to Rochester at the end of 2006 with the promise from my ex that there would be all kinds of help from him and his parents. I started over, trying to find jobs, etc. Things were looking up after about a year, I decided to go back to school while working a decent job, then my ex went off the deep end. He sunk deep into his alcoholism and disappeared, skipped town, stopped paying support, stopped talking to the kids and me. The children were devastated. He did have his moments of being a good Dad, and they missed that.
That was over 2 years ago. I had to quit a job because it was a half hour drive and couldn't be that far from my kids with no other help, and they weren't happy with me because I was a mess. I was having a nervous breakdown. First I lost half my income with losing child support, then I was jobless, I was left with a pile of extra bills he was supposed to be paying (braces, sports, etc.) got evicted, had to apply for foodstamps, medicaid, free lunch at school, and clean friend's toilets to get gas money. There was even a point where I had absolutely no income before I got approved for aid, that was a complete nightmare. But I did lose 20 lbs from not being able to afford food! Hollah! (Important Tip: always look for silver lining)
Blah, blah, blah, there were many years before that of having to rescue my kids from torturous behavior by their Dad that I won't even go into. Eventually I collected myself, got a few part-time jobs, then after a couple years re-directed myself into resuming my marketing career, and worked my way up to finding a full-time contract job (no benefits). My kids are thriving, they are all A students, and active in sports and music/theater. My oldest is a senior and has applied to some of the best colleges in the country. I got financial aid all by myself for my kids to go to 2 of the best schools in the area, because they had the grades and drive to go. And amazingly we've talked our way through this and stuck together and have all remained well grounded. Nobody has started acting out, not even me. Ok, well I couldn't have gotten through this without cocktails now and then, but I'm an adult, I'm allowed. And most importantly friends and family, couldn't have made it through without them either. Oh and one other thing, I didn't seek out a man to save me. Although, a few years and pounds ago, that stripper pole was looking like it could be a way to eat.
So, why the long story? (what's sad is that I left a whole bunch of stuff out, oy) To give you background on what I know. How to survive. My blog will be about how to survive adulthood. I will touch on all the adult subjects: financial, emotional, parenting, dating/relationships, jobs. I don't have all the answers, but I can share my experiences and tips for making it through some tough spots, all with a little laughter. Because really humor makes it all bearable. At the very least, let my life and this blog serve as an example of what mistakes not to make. :) Happy Holidays!
My Myspace blog years ago, to which I had a rather large following, (over 800 followers) was focused mostly on my dating and parenting life post divorce. That was pretty easy since I hadn't been in a relationship for years. But really, how long can you write about that? It gets old after a while. Besides, my kids are teens now, I don't want them reading my dating exploits, and I'm sure it would be a major creep factor for them.
Think, think, think. What else do I know about? Well, it kind of hit me today... I know about survival. For those of you who know me, know that I have had quite a struggle over the past eleven years, well ok 20 years. For those of you who don't, here's a not entirely brief synopsis:
I thought I married a really nice, well educated, successful engineer and ex Div. I hockey player. But in 2000, I got out of a marriage to an eventual verbally abusive, alcoholic man, who had an affair on me while I was pregnant with our third child. Well back up a little, after a job transfer moved us from NY to Denver in 2000, where I didn't know a soul and had three children ages 6, 3, and 14 months. we divorced and he quickly moves in with the girl he had an affair with. He buys them a home and starts spending all his money on them. I'm stuck to find whatever rental I can afford. I had to keep finding jobs where I could take care of my children 90% of the time because he always traveled with his job. I had been a stay at home mom for 5 years, I could only get crap jobs, I was in radio and TV before that. I kept having to quit before I got fired because I'd have childcare problems. In 2004 he moved back East, leaving me in Denver to raise them alone, making monthly visits, which towards the end were cut short with kids calling me crying.
I was a realtor at the time and the bust hit Denver in 2006. I could no longer afford to live there and I was losing my mind raising the children alone. So I moved back to Rochester at the end of 2006 with the promise from my ex that there would be all kinds of help from him and his parents. I started over, trying to find jobs, etc. Things were looking up after about a year, I decided to go back to school while working a decent job, then my ex went off the deep end. He sunk deep into his alcoholism and disappeared, skipped town, stopped paying support, stopped talking to the kids and me. The children were devastated. He did have his moments of being a good Dad, and they missed that.
That was over 2 years ago. I had to quit a job because it was a half hour drive and couldn't be that far from my kids with no other help, and they weren't happy with me because I was a mess. I was having a nervous breakdown. First I lost half my income with losing child support, then I was jobless, I was left with a pile of extra bills he was supposed to be paying (braces, sports, etc.) got evicted, had to apply for foodstamps, medicaid, free lunch at school, and clean friend's toilets to get gas money. There was even a point where I had absolutely no income before I got approved for aid, that was a complete nightmare. But I did lose 20 lbs from not being able to afford food! Hollah! (Important Tip: always look for silver lining)
Blah, blah, blah, there were many years before that of having to rescue my kids from torturous behavior by their Dad that I won't even go into. Eventually I collected myself, got a few part-time jobs, then after a couple years re-directed myself into resuming my marketing career, and worked my way up to finding a full-time contract job (no benefits). My kids are thriving, they are all A students, and active in sports and music/theater. My oldest is a senior and has applied to some of the best colleges in the country. I got financial aid all by myself for my kids to go to 2 of the best schools in the area, because they had the grades and drive to go. And amazingly we've talked our way through this and stuck together and have all remained well grounded. Nobody has started acting out, not even me. Ok, well I couldn't have gotten through this without cocktails now and then, but I'm an adult, I'm allowed. And most importantly friends and family, couldn't have made it through without them either. Oh and one other thing, I didn't seek out a man to save me. Although, a few years and pounds ago, that stripper pole was looking like it could be a way to eat.
So, why the long story? (what's sad is that I left a whole bunch of stuff out, oy) To give you background on what I know. How to survive. My blog will be about how to survive adulthood. I will touch on all the adult subjects: financial, emotional, parenting, dating/relationships, jobs. I don't have all the answers, but I can share my experiences and tips for making it through some tough spots, all with a little laughter. Because really humor makes it all bearable. At the very least, let my life and this blog serve as an example of what mistakes not to make. :) Happy Holidays!
Friday, November 11, 2011
The Culture of the Attention Whore
**This blog recently appeared on Mike Danger of 98.9 The Buzz's blog as a Guest Blogger Friday feature. http://www.rochesterbuzz.com/Guest-Blogger-Friday-F--king-Look-At-Me-/10501301?pid=180601
"In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes." I know its become cliche and everyone has said it, but yea, Andy Warhol was right. Then some dude named David Weinberger said, "On the Web, everyone will be famous to fifteen people". That's more like it.
With so many different ways to communicate instantly and so many different media venues, and recording devices at our fingertips, fame has become an epidemic. On smaller levels, I don't even know if it's fame... just attention. I had no freakin' idea there were so many people in this world that didn't get enough hugs as a child. There are a whole bunch of people in this world that make strippers (those most in need of attention) look like reclusive loners that think Ted Kaczynski was a social butterfly.
Case in point, our latest non-celebrity attention whore, Mariah Yeater. Sister-girl goes and files suit that little ole Justin Bieber fathered her child. My guess is, she just wants her 15 minutes (and a little walking around money) anyway she can get it. Even if it's making herself look like a trollop. Have you seen her pics? Ew. If it were true, I certainly hoped he'd have better taste than that. But I guess some guys get a thrill out of slummin' it, too.
This may be a dated reference but it's an excellent case study in attention whoreism, that idiot Balloon boy Dad. He doesn't even merit a name mention. Who orchestrates that nonsense and tells your kids to lie just to get his rejected-actor-ass on TV? He should be renamed "Dbag Dad".
How hungry for attention have we become as a society? Is it because there are more chances for fame and money? Is it because people have become less loving? Do we all just need a group hug and a Snuggi? Is it because life has become so stressful and expensive that we have "quick buck envy"? We figure if Snooki can make money, so can we? Oh Christ, if she can, I should be a skajillionaire with my drunk-ass shenanigans. So, I'm 20 years older than her, and my cans are a cup size smaller, it could still happen.
I admit sometimes I find myself in attention whore mode. I wrote an almost daily blog for years with hundreds of readers and hundreds of comments each day. That can certainly be addicting. But I stopped. I don't know why. Got writer's block, got tired, started getting haters, whatever. A couple years have gone by and I find myself dipping my toe into the attention waters from time to time. Posting statuses on Facebook, witty retorts on Twitter, guestblogs for the fabulous Mike Danger... And sometimes when no one responds to my witty retorts... I post a pic with cleavage. There, I said it! Ya' got me! I'm a closet attention whore! I need hugs! Forgive me Father for I have sinned...
They say the first step is admitting you have a problem. I'm Madge, and I'm an Attention Whore. (slinks away weeping)
"In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes." I know its become cliche and everyone has said it, but yea, Andy Warhol was right. Then some dude named David Weinberger said, "On the Web, everyone will be famous to fifteen people". That's more like it.
With so many different ways to communicate instantly and so many different media venues, and recording devices at our fingertips, fame has become an epidemic. On smaller levels, I don't even know if it's fame... just attention. I had no freakin' idea there were so many people in this world that didn't get enough hugs as a child. There are a whole bunch of people in this world that make strippers (those most in need of attention) look like reclusive loners that think Ted Kaczynski was a social butterfly.
Case in point, our latest non-celebrity attention whore, Mariah Yeater. Sister-girl goes and files suit that little ole Justin Bieber fathered her child. My guess is, she just wants her 15 minutes (and a little walking around money) anyway she can get it. Even if it's making herself look like a trollop. Have you seen her pics? Ew. If it were true, I certainly hoped he'd have better taste than that. But I guess some guys get a thrill out of slummin' it, too.
This may be a dated reference but it's an excellent case study in attention whoreism, that idiot Balloon boy Dad. He doesn't even merit a name mention. Who orchestrates that nonsense and tells your kids to lie just to get his rejected-actor-ass on TV? He should be renamed "Dbag Dad".
How hungry for attention have we become as a society? Is it because there are more chances for fame and money? Is it because people have become less loving? Do we all just need a group hug and a Snuggi? Is it because life has become so stressful and expensive that we have "quick buck envy"? We figure if Snooki can make money, so can we? Oh Christ, if she can, I should be a skajillionaire with my drunk-ass shenanigans. So, I'm 20 years older than her, and my cans are a cup size smaller, it could still happen.
I admit sometimes I find myself in attention whore mode. I wrote an almost daily blog for years with hundreds of readers and hundreds of comments each day. That can certainly be addicting. But I stopped. I don't know why. Got writer's block, got tired, started getting haters, whatever. A couple years have gone by and I find myself dipping my toe into the attention waters from time to time. Posting statuses on Facebook, witty retorts on Twitter, guestblogs for the fabulous Mike Danger... And sometimes when no one responds to my witty retorts... I post a pic with cleavage. There, I said it! Ya' got me! I'm a closet attention whore! I need hugs! Forgive me Father for I have sinned...
They say the first step is admitting you have a problem. I'm Madge, and I'm an Attention Whore. (slinks away weeping)
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
How Not to Have Your Obituary Read: "She Was a Pain in the Ass"
I've done a lot of reflecting in the past 2 days. Ya' see, one of my best friends from childhood died on Sunday from breast cancer at the age of 46. We first met in kindergarten at St. Mary's School. We made First Communion together and later double dated to proms together in HS and drank in bars together in college. We weren't as close as I would have liked in our adult lives but she lived in South Carolina and I lived in Denver and now NY state. But we did keep in touch.
Anyway, she was awesome. She was always the prettiest and smartest girl in the class. The boys used to follow her around drooling, but she was never vain and she was always nice to everyone. She even befriended the less desirables. She wasn't perfect, she had some trials in her adult life, but everyone still regarded her as a very kind, loving woman.
Which brings me to the point to which I arrived. I was reading her Facebook page and a condolence book attached to her obituary. Many people were writing tributes to her. All of them stated what a warm, kind, loving, caring person she was. That made me think... what do I want to be remembered for?
I know a lot of people who would want to be remembered as a great athlete, great leader, business mogul, mover and shaker, great tan, big schlong... whatever it may be. Without much hesitation, my decision was that I want to be remembered for being a loving person and making people laugh. Not in a vain way, but because all people should laugh and be happy. I want to spread the fun and joy. Let's all have a laugh, it makes the world a better place. I bet all my old time readers didn't think I was such a softie, eh? Yea, bite me...
And the loving part? I'll give you the shirt off my back, but I want us all to respect each other and ourselves too. I love everyone, but a key part of love is respect. That's why Wendy and I were friends, we didn't look down upon others, we wanted to include everyone. We weren't perfect, we still made fun of someone's outfit in high school, but we would usually try to befriend them and eventually give them fashion pointers. lol The point is, we didn't ostracize people. We weren't perfect but we weren't haters or bullyers. I still am not, and I teach my children the same principles.
Oh, and I also want to be remembered for being reasonable and fair. I hope people would think, "That Madge always made sense and told it to you straight". I don't know if it would be tasteful for me to have "Madge says: Get your head out of your ass" on my gravestone, but it would be appropriate.
I know it sounds dorky but I always wanted to have "What's So Funny 'Bout Peace, Love, and Understanding?" by Elvis Costello played at my funeral. Seriously. I also want "Danny Boy" on the bagpipes and Dennis Leary's "I'm an Asshole" to be played. Is that weird? I'm just about love, fun, and family. Elvis song = love, Dennis song = fun, Danny Boy = family (the Irish thing). And there better be lots of food, booze, and people laughing and sharing stories there.
Take a look at your life, do you want to be remembered as "she never missed the Kardashians show", or "He was the most hated man in Rochester because he slept with every woman in town and never called", or "She never left a tip in her life", or worst of all "I don't know what he did, slept and watched porn a lot, I guess"? Don't be that guy or girl.
So, you... yea you! How do you want to be remembered? What traits do you want to be remembered for? I suggest you start living it today, for tomorrow is not guaranteed. I say lovingly and laughingly to you, get your head out of your ass and live your legacy!
Anyway, she was awesome. She was always the prettiest and smartest girl in the class. The boys used to follow her around drooling, but she was never vain and she was always nice to everyone. She even befriended the less desirables. She wasn't perfect, she had some trials in her adult life, but everyone still regarded her as a very kind, loving woman.
Which brings me to the point to which I arrived. I was reading her Facebook page and a condolence book attached to her obituary. Many people were writing tributes to her. All of them stated what a warm, kind, loving, caring person she was. That made me think... what do I want to be remembered for?
I know a lot of people who would want to be remembered as a great athlete, great leader, business mogul, mover and shaker, great tan, big schlong... whatever it may be. Without much hesitation, my decision was that I want to be remembered for being a loving person and making people laugh. Not in a vain way, but because all people should laugh and be happy. I want to spread the fun and joy. Let's all have a laugh, it makes the world a better place. I bet all my old time readers didn't think I was such a softie, eh? Yea, bite me...
And the loving part? I'll give you the shirt off my back, but I want us all to respect each other and ourselves too. I love everyone, but a key part of love is respect. That's why Wendy and I were friends, we didn't look down upon others, we wanted to include everyone. We weren't perfect, we still made fun of someone's outfit in high school, but we would usually try to befriend them and eventually give them fashion pointers. lol The point is, we didn't ostracize people. We weren't perfect but we weren't haters or bullyers. I still am not, and I teach my children the same principles.
Oh, and I also want to be remembered for being reasonable and fair. I hope people would think, "That Madge always made sense and told it to you straight". I don't know if it would be tasteful for me to have "Madge says: Get your head out of your ass" on my gravestone, but it would be appropriate.
I know it sounds dorky but I always wanted to have "What's So Funny 'Bout Peace, Love, and Understanding?" by Elvis Costello played at my funeral. Seriously. I also want "Danny Boy" on the bagpipes and Dennis Leary's "I'm an Asshole" to be played. Is that weird? I'm just about love, fun, and family. Elvis song = love, Dennis song = fun, Danny Boy = family (the Irish thing). And there better be lots of food, booze, and people laughing and sharing stories there.
Take a look at your life, do you want to be remembered as "she never missed the Kardashians show", or "He was the most hated man in Rochester because he slept with every woman in town and never called", or "She never left a tip in her life", or worst of all "I don't know what he did, slept and watched porn a lot, I guess"? Don't be that guy or girl.
So, you... yea you! How do you want to be remembered? What traits do you want to be remembered for? I suggest you start living it today, for tomorrow is not guaranteed. I say lovingly and laughingly to you, get your head out of your ass and live your legacy!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Your Glass is Half Full... of Paranoia.
I read something the other day that I really like. It said...
One may think, "The glass is half full"
One may think, "The glass is half empty"
Then also one may think, "The glass is at 50% of it's capacity"
I tend to be in the school of thought of the last choice. No longer pessimistic, not blindly optimistic, but realistic. I'm hopeful, but also factual. Thankful for no longer being pessimistic.
I'd like to think I'm even-keeled, grounded. Yea, I get a little opinionated and animated, but I'm usually crusading for common sense when I do it. So, shut it!
Unlike... some people.
Yes, I'm thankful for my rational thought. I've seen so many people over the past several years that live in pessimism, paranoia, fear and anger. (My ex-in-laws, anyone?) I feel really sorry for those people. Everyone is out to get them, everything is a conspiracy, everyone wants to fool us. Yet, strangely a lot of times they believe strongly and blindly in God. They have this euphoric love and trust, almost lust for Jesus Christ. Hmmm, what's wrong with this picture?
I'm not going to bash Christians. After all, I am technically a Christian being a practicing Catholic. Yes, I know some of you scoff at that, but yes, we Catholics do have that whole Christ thing going on in our church. I just don't consider myself "born again" or "saved" or whatever the catch phrase of the day is. I have deep faith. That's between me and God...and Jesus and Mary and St. Jude, and St. Bridget and whoever else I pray to for guidance.
What bothers me is that perpetual paranoia. For example, I just read a post on a friend's Facebook page, that railed on vaccinations. It wasn't my friend that said it, it was his friend commeting on his post. This woman launched into how evil vaccines are and it's all a conspiracy by whoever is paying the scientists to tell us to buy the vaccines to control us and take over the world or something.
*heavy sigh*
Really? How sad.
I also got the jist (I could be wrong) that she also believes the media is one big vast liberal conspiracy. She probably home schools her kids, because, ya' know, schools are one big brain washing factory for liberals, sex peddlers and gays. Ok, the part about her home schooling was pure speculation and mean of me to assume but come on, I'm trying to paint a picture. Or maybe I just watched to many episodes of The Duggers, hey that's why they home school their kids!
*heavy sigh*
That must be so limiting not to trust anyone. Like I said before, how sad. Also... how tiring. To waste all that energy on fear and anxiety and paranoia and hate. My stomach is in nots just thinking about it. I certainly don't mean to be a Pollyanna, I know there are bad people out there. But to make such broad generalizations about things in such a hysterical manner is... well first it's laughable and then it's... again, sad.
I just have to say I'm really glad that I believe the glass is at 50% of capacity and not that everytime I turn my head the glass is being filled with poison additives by the government to control my mind and make me succumb to the gay agenda... what? That doesn't even make sense to me, but sadly it makes perfect sense to somebody else out there. :(
One may think, "The glass is half full"
One may think, "The glass is half empty"
Then also one may think, "The glass is at 50% of it's capacity"
I tend to be in the school of thought of the last choice. No longer pessimistic, not blindly optimistic, but realistic. I'm hopeful, but also factual. Thankful for no longer being pessimistic.
I'd like to think I'm even-keeled, grounded. Yea, I get a little opinionated and animated, but I'm usually crusading for common sense when I do it. So, shut it!
Unlike... some people.
Yes, I'm thankful for my rational thought. I've seen so many people over the past several years that live in pessimism, paranoia, fear and anger. (My ex-in-laws, anyone?) I feel really sorry for those people. Everyone is out to get them, everything is a conspiracy, everyone wants to fool us. Yet, strangely a lot of times they believe strongly and blindly in God. They have this euphoric love and trust, almost lust for Jesus Christ. Hmmm, what's wrong with this picture?
I'm not going to bash Christians. After all, I am technically a Christian being a practicing Catholic. Yes, I know some of you scoff at that, but yes, we Catholics do have that whole Christ thing going on in our church. I just don't consider myself "born again" or "saved" or whatever the catch phrase of the day is. I have deep faith. That's between me and God...and Jesus and Mary and St. Jude, and St. Bridget and whoever else I pray to for guidance.
What bothers me is that perpetual paranoia. For example, I just read a post on a friend's Facebook page, that railed on vaccinations. It wasn't my friend that said it, it was his friend commeting on his post. This woman launched into how evil vaccines are and it's all a conspiracy by whoever is paying the scientists to tell us to buy the vaccines to control us and take over the world or something.
*heavy sigh*
Really? How sad.
I also got the jist (I could be wrong) that she also believes the media is one big vast liberal conspiracy. She probably home schools her kids, because, ya' know, schools are one big brain washing factory for liberals, sex peddlers and gays. Ok, the part about her home schooling was pure speculation and mean of me to assume but come on, I'm trying to paint a picture. Or maybe I just watched to many episodes of The Duggers, hey that's why they home school their kids!
*heavy sigh*
That must be so limiting not to trust anyone. Like I said before, how sad. Also... how tiring. To waste all that energy on fear and anxiety and paranoia and hate. My stomach is in nots just thinking about it. I certainly don't mean to be a Pollyanna, I know there are bad people out there. But to make such broad generalizations about things in such a hysterical manner is... well first it's laughable and then it's... again, sad.
I just have to say I'm really glad that I believe the glass is at 50% of capacity and not that everytime I turn my head the glass is being filled with poison additives by the government to control my mind and make me succumb to the gay agenda... what? That doesn't even make sense to me, but sadly it makes perfect sense to somebody else out there. :(
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Desperately Seeking Inspiration...
I was in Target with my kids today fetching various items. The place was crawling with college students picking up supplies for their tiny, bland dorm rooms, or tiny sh*thole apartments. (Remember how excited we were back in those days to buy our first dish rack or hamper? Oy, now I want to dump all that stuff on the curb and live in a hotel and have people clean up after me all day.)
We are standing there and a very prissy, snooty girl and an obviously flaming gay kid (not that there's anything wrong with that, but he made Kurt from Glee look butch) are discussing the need to cut back on Starbucks this semester. I mimicked the girl's faux Valley Girl accent, and my son made some other desparaging remark, then proclaimed, "I love being a cynical a-hole". I said, "You get it from your Mother" and gave him a high five.
But honestly, in the past 2 years I've come to love my cynical asshole side less. Don't get me wrong, I still love me some good derision, but I also seek joyfulness in my heart. Sound cheesy? Well, F-you, I want some God damn joyfulness!!!!
Here's what I mean by joyfulness, or just joy for short. It's that feeling when you encounter something that just sends your senses soaring. I guess you could call it a rush. Inspiration. I'm seeking that right now. I feel really uninspired. Well, it's really only in my work life. I mean, I love my boyfriend and I feel joy when I go to my kids' school and feel all of their success and friendships there. There are just good people at those schools, and I can feel my kids happiness. That is like freakin' crack to me. But work... meh.
With work... I've been searching. I have had various jobs over the past few years. And that's all they were, jobs. I have been trying to find that thing that I love to do. Writing does that, but any writing jobs I've had haven't neccessarily put me on Easy Street, if you know what I mean. I did have an interview at a an ad agency for a copywriting job several months ago that gave me a mental "schwing!". I'm serious. I walked into the place and felt the energy instantly, I was in Heaven. The interview was with a friend of mine, but unfortunately I found out about it a little too late, they were already in negotiations with some kid that already had agency experience. I was actually sad that I didn't get the job.
I started a job this week doing internet advertising analysis. Basically SEO and Adwords campaign stuff. It's interesting, I'm just getting started, we'll see. But what I am hopeful about is, after a two year hiatus, I'm headed back to school in a couple of weeks. I will be taking a feature writing course, and a graphic design course. Just thinking about the subject matter gets me all tingly. Maybe I'll have more direction and experience after I take those courses.
I ran into a guy this past week bartending at a place I don't frequent often, but stopped in to see my friend's artwork that was being exhibited. I hadn't seen the guy since about 1987. I knew him back in my punk days, first met round about 1983, he was known as Mohawk Mike, just an acquaintance. He was uber punk, had like a foot high mohawk, always wore combat boots, leather jacket, studded collar, flannel shirt tied around his waist. Anyway, I see him at this bar... looks exactly the same except with no hair at all. He's in his late 40s and hasn't changed. I talked to him a bit, he says he's been doing the same stuff for the past 25+ years. He is the alternative, nightlife scene. Never married, no kids.
His exact words to me were, "I never grew up". He's happy. I don't know, he hangs around what inspires him, music, creative punk fashion, art, nightlife... is that grown up or not grown up? Does it matter? It just made me think. I didn't think I was any better or worse than him, nor he any better or worse than me. A little part of me was jealous, to be able to come and go in that scene whenever you want... cool! But for me, I also knew I needed to be a Mom, to create something larger than myself.
So, inspiration comes in many forms. I have it in parts of my life, but I want that thing that makes me really happy to get up every morning. There is just something missing. I mean, I'm happy, generally, but well going to work shouldn't be something you dread. But I also want to feel good about being able to provide everything my children need with room to spare. It's a fine line to walk, do what you love or provide for all four of us. Why couldn't I figure out that I loved being a lawyer 25 years ago. Unfortunately, I was born creative and not intellectual. Well, you know what I mean. Hopefully, I'll find joyfulness soon.
We are standing there and a very prissy, snooty girl and an obviously flaming gay kid (not that there's anything wrong with that, but he made Kurt from Glee look butch) are discussing the need to cut back on Starbucks this semester. I mimicked the girl's faux Valley Girl accent, and my son made some other desparaging remark, then proclaimed, "I love being a cynical a-hole". I said, "You get it from your Mother" and gave him a high five.
But honestly, in the past 2 years I've come to love my cynical asshole side less. Don't get me wrong, I still love me some good derision, but I also seek joyfulness in my heart. Sound cheesy? Well, F-you, I want some God damn joyfulness!!!!
Here's what I mean by joyfulness, or just joy for short. It's that feeling when you encounter something that just sends your senses soaring. I guess you could call it a rush. Inspiration. I'm seeking that right now. I feel really uninspired. Well, it's really only in my work life. I mean, I love my boyfriend and I feel joy when I go to my kids' school and feel all of their success and friendships there. There are just good people at those schools, and I can feel my kids happiness. That is like freakin' crack to me. But work... meh.
With work... I've been searching. I have had various jobs over the past few years. And that's all they were, jobs. I have been trying to find that thing that I love to do. Writing does that, but any writing jobs I've had haven't neccessarily put me on Easy Street, if you know what I mean. I did have an interview at a an ad agency for a copywriting job several months ago that gave me a mental "schwing!". I'm serious. I walked into the place and felt the energy instantly, I was in Heaven. The interview was with a friend of mine, but unfortunately I found out about it a little too late, they were already in negotiations with some kid that already had agency experience. I was actually sad that I didn't get the job.
I started a job this week doing internet advertising analysis. Basically SEO and Adwords campaign stuff. It's interesting, I'm just getting started, we'll see. But what I am hopeful about is, after a two year hiatus, I'm headed back to school in a couple of weeks. I will be taking a feature writing course, and a graphic design course. Just thinking about the subject matter gets me all tingly. Maybe I'll have more direction and experience after I take those courses.
I ran into a guy this past week bartending at a place I don't frequent often, but stopped in to see my friend's artwork that was being exhibited. I hadn't seen the guy since about 1987. I knew him back in my punk days, first met round about 1983, he was known as Mohawk Mike, just an acquaintance. He was uber punk, had like a foot high mohawk, always wore combat boots, leather jacket, studded collar, flannel shirt tied around his waist. Anyway, I see him at this bar... looks exactly the same except with no hair at all. He's in his late 40s and hasn't changed. I talked to him a bit, he says he's been doing the same stuff for the past 25+ years. He is the alternative, nightlife scene. Never married, no kids.
His exact words to me were, "I never grew up". He's happy. I don't know, he hangs around what inspires him, music, creative punk fashion, art, nightlife... is that grown up or not grown up? Does it matter? It just made me think. I didn't think I was any better or worse than him, nor he any better or worse than me. A little part of me was jealous, to be able to come and go in that scene whenever you want... cool! But for me, I also knew I needed to be a Mom, to create something larger than myself.
So, inspiration comes in many forms. I have it in parts of my life, but I want that thing that makes me really happy to get up every morning. There is just something missing. I mean, I'm happy, generally, but well going to work shouldn't be something you dread. But I also want to feel good about being able to provide everything my children need with room to spare. It's a fine line to walk, do what you love or provide for all four of us. Why couldn't I figure out that I loved being a lawyer 25 years ago. Unfortunately, I was born creative and not intellectual. Well, you know what I mean. Hopefully, I'll find joyfulness soon.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Can't Hide Behind the Weave...
Can someone please explain to me the phenomenon of "weaves"?
Yea, I know this is highly intellectual subject matter, so brace yourself.
I just don't get it, why every young girl in the world seems to have one even when they seem to have a perfectly good head of long, luxurious hair. Perhaps, that is just the illusion of the weave? No, wait, I've seen the before and after pics. I just don't get it.
I just Googled "hair weave" and found such complex terms as "remy hair", "weft hair", "single drawn", "double draw"... what the hell does all this stuff mean?!!!! And why is this all necessary? Just wear your hair like the good Lord made ya'! Or wear a wig like Zsa Zsa...
Who the hell would go through all that trouble? I heard it takes like hours to sew in. And who would sign up for that job?! Standing there for hours, manually sewing hair into someone's head? Oh, sign me up for that one!
And on a side note... talking about doing intricate things with hair... can someone with ethnic hair experience please tell me, how in the hell you turn thick, curly, puffy hair (I mention it, because I have the same sort of red caucasian hair) into those little tiny braids? Again a process that takes hours. I'd develop arthritis in the process... oh wait I already have it.
Women have everything fake these days, hair, nails, boobs, tans. It's really disturbing to me. I am proud to say I don't have any of the above. Well, I do have them, but they are all natural. (I would look kind of strange with no hair, no nails, no boobs, and no pigmentation). But what I have is mine, and I like it. Yes, even love it.
Why do we all have to pretend to be something else? Why does everyday have to be Halloween? Do men really like all that stuff or is it just for other women? And what is up with those gigantic fake nails that look like paint scrapers? They look ridiculous. Who thinks this stuff looks good? I don't, but what do I know?
I just wish people would learn to love themselves, warts and all. Ok, maybe not warts, but just curly frizzy hair, short nails, small boobs, and pale skin. It's all beautiful. What's even more beautiful is self-respect, intelligence, character, life experience, and integrity. Those are the things that truly make you beautiful. Cultivate those things. Judge Judy has always had it right, "Beauty fades, dumb is forever".
My new motto to young girls in regard to learning to love yourself - "Lose the Weave".
Yea, I know this is highly intellectual subject matter, so brace yourself.
I just don't get it, why every young girl in the world seems to have one even when they seem to have a perfectly good head of long, luxurious hair. Perhaps, that is just the illusion of the weave? No, wait, I've seen the before and after pics. I just don't get it.
I just Googled "hair weave" and found such complex terms as "remy hair", "weft hair", "single drawn", "double draw"... what the hell does all this stuff mean?!!!! And why is this all necessary? Just wear your hair like the good Lord made ya'! Or wear a wig like Zsa Zsa...
Who the hell would go through all that trouble? I heard it takes like hours to sew in. And who would sign up for that job?! Standing there for hours, manually sewing hair into someone's head? Oh, sign me up for that one!
And on a side note... talking about doing intricate things with hair... can someone with ethnic hair experience please tell me, how in the hell you turn thick, curly, puffy hair (I mention it, because I have the same sort of red caucasian hair) into those little tiny braids? Again a process that takes hours. I'd develop arthritis in the process... oh wait I already have it.
Women have everything fake these days, hair, nails, boobs, tans. It's really disturbing to me. I am proud to say I don't have any of the above. Well, I do have them, but they are all natural. (I would look kind of strange with no hair, no nails, no boobs, and no pigmentation). But what I have is mine, and I like it. Yes, even love it.
Why do we all have to pretend to be something else? Why does everyday have to be Halloween? Do men really like all that stuff or is it just for other women? And what is up with those gigantic fake nails that look like paint scrapers? They look ridiculous. Who thinks this stuff looks good? I don't, but what do I know?
I just wish people would learn to love themselves, warts and all. Ok, maybe not warts, but just curly frizzy hair, short nails, small boobs, and pale skin. It's all beautiful. What's even more beautiful is self-respect, intelligence, character, life experience, and integrity. Those are the things that truly make you beautiful. Cultivate those things. Judge Judy has always had it right, "Beauty fades, dumb is forever".
My new motto to young girls in regard to learning to love yourself - "Lose the Weave".
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